will you help me father?

Father: where is your striking psyche?
where is your infinite desire?
where is your combatant strength?
where is your brawny footsteps?
where is your cheery countenance?
where is your mesmerizing temperament?
where is your vigorous compassion?
where is your intelligent perception?
She: I am tired father.
I am immobile, sightless, dead-brain soul for sometimes, I am tired.
I am getting as mortal as anyone could be, I am getting as ineffectual minded as any One could be.
Something happened.
since then
I’m carrying an enduring pain along.
I’ve been wounded contemptibly in an ultimate brutal conflict.
i'm getting destroyed eventually to the end.

Father: I’ll help you my darling; I’ll save your life. I help you put this fateful incident Out of your mind,
Just tell me what happened?

She: one night; someone took me to the place, where I saw the heaven and the
Hell and the earth one after another:
He asked me to close my right eye and look at
The place with my left eye open: there was heaven. Then with just my right eye open: there
Was hell?
Then I opened both of my eyes; there was him in front of me.
He told me since he showed me every part of life, I must choose which
One I want to live my life in;
He told me I could change my Mind for two times and not more. I chose
Heaven, he blocked my right eye’s sight rightaway,
I panicked and Said, wait, I want to see hell, he blocked my left eye’s sight, I screamed out loud:
: I want to see my life with my both eyes open. He gave my eyesight back, and said:
Now you have both eyes’ sights free of heaven and hell

Since then I’ve been in massive pain and see nothing but dirt.
you Know father there was no pain in the hell but dirt. I wish I’d chosen “ hell”.

Will you help me father?

Father: my darling, life is much easier with eyes half closed,
Didn’t you notice people do that to survive,to be happy.
you made the wrong choice of
Wanting your both eyes be open. Now it is better you close your eyes and see
Nothing, since you have no more choices left
. Believe me it is better if you don’t see what you seeing right now,it is better if
you don't feel what you feeling right now,it is safe.

She: alright,will you close my eyes?
father:i will .

It's been a while that i've been noticing life acting such comical , but not witty ,so i've been laughing at it (but not with it).

new resume

After I've been given this new job, ask me to hand them an updated resume matching my new job title( for the future records) "advantage of having good connections"

Lately everything is working upside down, I guess.
" impossible is possible and the old possible has been left alone"

Today I see:

Puking lunch, before digesting it."preferring to make a close relationship with the toilet bowl, than gaining 1 more pound"
Getting jealous, before knowing the reason." blind obsession or lack of confidence"

Being born before having parents. Later on they find a mommy or daddy or both for the baby, but only if she is cute. " human rights!"

Getting pregnant, before making love.yes, no more child sharing.no more headaches "advantage of the new technology, no more broken hearts".

Losing a mother, before knowing enough of her, but how exiting is that? welcoming a new father instead. What a nice transform! "make some changes in your life , live with exitements: the new theory"

Teaching children how to act gay, before acknowledging them as one. "imaginary freedom"

Becoming Moslem, before having a name, before being born. "relegion's massive power"

Signing the new proposal, before accepting it. "deceiving politic"

Going under abortion, before having the first period. " stupidity hidden under the freedom's flag "

Shaving the beard, before witnessing its existence. " masculan's unrealistic proud"

Getting old before acting young. " nervous break down"
Dying young, before getting old. "new versions of heart attacks "
Getting cancer, before smoking cigarettes. "chemicals"

Being convicted, before being criminal. "miscommunication's fault"
Going to war, before knowing the enemies. "Real estate agency's contest"
Obeying rule, before reviewing its justice. "lack of time and patience'"

taking antidepression, before the depression. don't worry, depression will come along afterwards, so why not curing it beforhand" time saving and great consideration"

…
…
…
What will tomorrow look like?
No idea.

an appeal to majesty

My majesty
My name is..., I am a prisoner who is convicted guilty by the law.
I’ve been told that if I make a plea to you they’ll softer my sentence.
First let me tell you why I have been jailed.
I am convicted of molesting a newborn zip file hidden in the executive committee’s USB.
They say I did something cruel, and outrage.
Let me make this brief beforehand, that your existence to me is a big question mark itself,
But if writing to you will lesser my time in prison, I'm going to make-believe otherwise.
I suppose that if I have to accept your being, I must also accept you as my creator, because these two essentials come after another.
So if this is what you are: my majesty, our creator, I consider others and myself as your teddy bears.
My majesty may I ask you something?
Have you made us as your sexual fantasies?
Because when I look at the whole life string, its ending part points at…...matter, with different scenarios, and an enormous variety of characters. Honestly isn’t this your purpose of your magnificent performance?
If is that so, then would you make an exception in your playground's rules book and get me out of here?
My mejesty Think about it, I am one of your updated toys, so I needed to have a new edition of o...m.

Finally my inquisitive heart's inherent incapacity to unite with the lenght of my remained time showed up , no more vacillating. No more reserves. No more tenderness.no more disappointments. no more regrets.
now it's time to carry on the journey with a subtle mind.

love cycle

Once I demolished an appealing snake, unaware.
After long he shattered me, aware.

sweet tranquilizer

When you are among your friends and you feel lonely
When you are getting so much attention from the crowd and you feel left alone

When you are laughing loud and you feel sad
When you are waking up in the morning and you feel lost
When you are saying hi to everyone and you sound strange.
When you are praying to god and you feel no sensation
When you are walking under the sun and you feel the breeze
When your warm eyes showing off your confidence and you feel its infertility
When you are socializing with so many acquaintances and you feel speechless
When
( You need to talk, you need to cry, you need warm hands to hold you, you need an intensive love from around, you need trustful ears, you need loving eyes, you need acceptance),
but you feel powerless to acknowledge that,
Is, when your heart has broken and is shutting down.
there is no tranqulizer for the demolished heart, but the slayer's touch.

you be fair

i don't see any miscalculation in life,you always get what you deserve.
think about it deeply, about any small detail in your lives, honestly, was life unfair to you or you pretended to be beaten by life's cruelty?
sometimes we lie, even to ourselves to get rid of the huge responsibility of taking care of our own selves in the best way.

sagacity

This common saying is such a known cliché: whenever you are sick you get to realize how much worthy is your health and how much longer you desire to live your life. But it is happening to all of us, in everyday of our lives. And as a matter of fact, we as human beings keep forgetting this truth that we shouldn’t take anything we own for granted, such as our health, our youth, our beauty, our loved ones and also the ones who love us.
Nothing lasts forever; neither health nor love. .

it is not about me

i know someone who reads my blog and takes everything too personal!
-take it easy chap. these are just stories and some observations from all the people around me, sometimes when i read a book or watch a movie i find my character. some times when i see a fellow at subway i find my character. these characters are my studies from different aspects and variation of situations and lives.
i make them up , i polish them , i direct them to play on my imaginery terms.
it is not personal, my personal matters goes starightly into my diary book not on a public black board or through random"but respectful" ears.and you know that better than anyone else .

a joke!

--What are you doing?

-I am rubbing clay mask on my face.

--What for?

-To be beautiful!
--What are you doing now?
- Washing off my face.
-- Oh you gave up?


That was a joke I heard today!
Lets try to laugh a little.

clashing

lets stop misjudging your own kind.
lets stop being derisive.
lets not be this much narrow-minded.
lets not be so mistrustful about eachother.
lets not hunt a shadow just because it looked like a frightening wolf from far away, wait, till the shadow comes closer, then you will see it was just a fellow hastening to be noticed by you.
lets not fake a smile.you'd better cry out loud instead, but deeply from bottom of your heart, because it is more genuine and obviously more effectual.
The bottom line: lets not show this convoluted, excruciating life nuller than it is.

am i who i think i am?

Sometimes you are out of your mind. Have this ever happened to you?
It happened to me today, ya it hit me and I am still so shocked how I did that, I mean what I did today is impossible to be revealed by me or by anyone else, no one on this planet would find out about that, I wont tell anyone, and I am also certain that the people who were involved in this incident won’t say a word .
Me being so confused and incapable of picturing myself getting in to such an unexpected character ,capableof doing what I did today.
But the truth is that I did it and I did it and I did it.
So it is the time for me to reveal this bitter truth that every one in this planet can do anything, and how far we are capable of longing , is unbelievable scary.
We may do anything, and everything we do just depends on our mood and the situation we are in, and that is it; no more innocent human being exist on this planet.
If I could do it, then you can do it, she can do it and he can do it, but in different occasions.
Time will show off this bitter fact.
if you don’t believe this, just wait, you’ll see.
but be careful.

is it fair or unfair!

Is it fair or not fair?
You’ve been having a serious relationship for a few years, you are happy but you are not in love. She loves you and you like her. She is very nice and you appreciate it, she is cute and you like that. And lately you have been thinking of going to the next step in your relationship, because you think tat it’s a time, eventhough you are not in love with her, but because she loves you and she is giving you a good company and she is always there for you and you are spending most of your time together, so why not getting engaged and then marry her to make her happier.
But meanwhile you decide to take a vacation to your homeland to see your family and old friends. You say bye to her and she cries and says that she will miss you and you tell her that you will miss her too, and it is just a month of separation and it will be passed bye so fast.
At that point you are so honest and you are telling the truth. You really want to see your family and old friends and you really need a vacation alone to relax and rest a little bit among them.
You go to your homeland and you see your family and old friends, you are happy.
You talk to your girl over the phone every day, either she calls you or you do so, your family knows her and they respect her, because the matter of time has shown that she loves you and she is a very nice girl.
While you are back there, she is missing you everyday, she tries to do something special for you, a surprise , to make you exited and reveals how much she cares about you
So she tries so hard,uses all her talent and redecorate your apartment ,she starts painting the walls.she's done a great job, so when someone looks at the walls , can feel the love, which is behind it.
She counts the days to get close to the date you are coming back.
back there you are having fun with your family and friends, you go out every night and hang out with your pals and you are happy.
Girls are attracted to you, because you are handsome and fun. you also flirt a little with them, as it is in your nature, you used to be a great player, but you have cut it down for your girl in order she doesn't get hurt,and everything is ok.
All of a sudden one of these nights, you go to a coffee shop meet your brother’s girlfriend and she comes with a friend, you go close to acknowledge them and say hi, you look at her and you fall in love, yes that simple .
After all these years being here and all over the world and after spending years with your girl whom loves you and you felt liking her, and after all these years persuading yourself that there is no such a thing like love and getting ready to go in to a bigger commitment in your relationship, just 10 days before coming back here, in the most ordinary place, you've met the most extraordinary girl of your life, and you've fallen in love.
You are deeply in love and confused how this happened .you feel joy, you are up in the sky of happiness and she is as well, she is in love with you too and she is amused with this blink of high emotion, she as well is in there to see her family, she as well lives in a foreign land, and she has just come here to relax and spend time for a month in the homeland, but she has to go in 2 days, she is happy and she is sad, you are happy and you are sad, she goes to the airport to leave , she says bye you say bye, she pounds she comes back, and she says : I’ll stay till the end of your time, and we will leave our home land at the same time, even 7 more days is better than no more days. You spend all your time together, both families are surprised and worried at the same time, first they don’t believe there is a real love, and they think it is just a desire and a simple sexual attraction, but no it is not so. They are so confused.
You are so in love that you forget about your girl in here, you don’t call her anymore, you are in no doubt that your life is with your real new love.
now it is time to go back ,you both cry , you promise each other that you will get back together soon, she tells you where ever you are she wants to be there ,and you are admiring her with your eyes and with your heart.
You are back in here , at the airport it is her waiting for you to come, she is happy and exited she has changed her hair color to make herself more attractive for you and she's blushed , she kisses you and you are just a dead body with no reaction.
She goes in a deep thought that what on earth has happened to you, she waits, she takes you home she opens the door, you get in you see the walls, you close your eyes, you rush in to your room and close the door. You cry with your heart for her tender, you feel so guilty but you also feel joy at the same time, you've already missed the one and you can not look in the girl’s eyes, she opens the door, she comes to you, she put her hands on your shoulder, you don’t move, you say softly: I’m sorry, but I need sometimes lone by myself, please leave me alone. I am in such a painful mess, she cries she expected some thing else, she is there to be kissed, she is the to make love to you, she is there to hear how much you have missed her, but you cannot even touch her face, you are loyal to your love and you cannot touch anybody just your love. You are wondering: back then I used to play and act very well now, why can’t I even pretend. You answer to yourself: because back then there was not such person whom you really feel love for. You have changed, yes just in 10 days you have changed 1000 times.
She cries , she says to you I will come back tomorrow, I am sure tomorrow you will feel alright, it is just jet lack or a cold or a massive tiresome.
She says :see you tomorrow and she leaves.

your massive happiness has caused her a massive misery. what should be done?

would you read this note loud?i cannot read it.

real charm

She shook his hands and said: I am leaving you. Don’t you hear that?

He was looking at the other woman beside the window.

She said: answer me

He was looking at the woman beside the window

She whispered: even now, at the moment of parting, at your last moments of being with me you cannot see me, you cannot hear me. You cannot feel me. Can you?

He still was looking at the woman beside the window.

She followed his eyes, and caught the woman beside the window.

She asked: is she the one?

He didn’t answer and still was looking at the woman beside the window.

She cried : I am leaving you, but I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I know at this point it doesn’t matter to you. You are in love with the woman beside the window.

She took her bag and started walking to the door, she decided to pass through the corner that woman was standing, she wanted to smell her, she wanted to feel her, she wanted to understand the better quality of her being, she wanted to discover her unique charm which could hypnotized her man.

She went beside her, no smell, no feeling, and no sense of life. She touched the woman’s hand, she terrified.

The woman beside the window was a lifeless sculpt in the shape of a woman.
A perfect body with no touch of life.
That was its unique charm to the man.


saloume nakhsaz

In the middle of thunderstorm, somebody came in and splashed the water
The water turned in to a blue river, the river’s intention was getting in to the gigantic ocean, the ocean was green all green, and the sky on the top of it was black, the purple sun was shining, the black moon was hidden beside the sun.
The thunderstorm came to the target one more time, suddenly, the ocean became a desert and the sky became a mount and the sun became a beautiful woman, the moon showed up as one man, the woman smiled at the man, the man approached the beautiful woman
And life began.

advantages of freedom

She is not certain .She is doubtful about the existence of real happiness. She suspects the individuality of a deep pain.Her respond to love is considered "inappropriate" by common people in town. Her reaction to "loyalty" is not the same with the others' , therefore she has been known as someone who disbelieves commitments of all sorts. Sometimes I think if she wasn't growing up in such an open minded way, and if her guardians had not respected her self-decisions as much, and if they'd not paid so much attention to her needs, which used to vary all the time, she would have been living an easier life ; and she would have been much more determined in making permanent decisions for her own good(in the others' eyes, so she'd not have been judged by them all the time in her life.) She'd always have so many choices in front of her to pick , and what she has been doing is "picking them one by one, at the fastest pace.So, her personality became so spontaneous, and in some people's eyes as ” wild “ and in the others', somewhat "unfaithful". Her other problem is that I cannot tell you how quickly she gets bored of everything she is working on at that moment of her life. She knows about so many things here and there, and she is not interested in or passionate about anything, ”how is it possible to concentrate in just one thing; to get so much involve with that one thing!" says she. for her "it is impossible””. Sometimes freedom and having open minded and caring parents not only is not so comforting for the person, but also is confusing and causes problems in such limiting society in the long run. Salome N.Saz

puzzle# 2

The word"LIFE" is a puzzle.
Take out the” if” from the “l if e”.
the real word is “le”, which holds a hidden 3'dl letter, in the middle of it .
So at the beginning, not even one soul is able to realize the true meaning of “ life” .
but after sometimes, an “I” will show up ,right in the middle ; with a cold smile.

midnight dreams

I have lost my optimistic vision in a terrible incident, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my fate in a painful battle, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my soul’s innocence in a scornful catastrophe, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my dreams in a tormenting homicide and I am the one who takes the blame for it.
I have lost the most beautiful picture ever in my heart, at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight, and I am the one to blame.
I am starting to get a new shape of life; I am restructuring my new brain cells, new vision and new heart, with no dreams.
Life is what it is, and what it is, and what it is, life is an influential compulsion which throws away all of those naive dreams by the time they are getting so close to come through, right at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight.

puzzle# 1

When you hear a whisper of love, take a moment, then reverse it, you will get” evol”, which is a misspelling of evil, but it is pronounced the same.
An I(stands for i) is switched with an o(stands for owe), which reveals the true meaning of the of that whisper:
(I owe you an explanation: don’t trust me, I am an evil)

future

What are you doing with your life?
-Following my desires
Do you see any brightness in your future?
-my future right now, right here, is bright.
Why are you smiling all the time?
-Because I follow my desire.so i am not anybody's or anything's follower.(smile).
What do you mean by saying: following desire?
-Willing to learn more, willing to make friends with appealing people,, willing to eat delicious, willing to see all the unseen. Willing to help a fellow, willing to fall in love. willing to make sacrifice for the one you love.....
Willing to have freedom . the bottom line : which ever action that gives me a fresh sense of life, or drop a shine in my eys.
I see my life, my momentary future so bright, because whatever it is, is based on my will and desire, so it is bright to me.and that counts.

valid excuse

(I am so sorry, I am busy, busy busy lately, so I am afraid that have no time to spend with you. Maybe later, next week, next month, next year.)

Is this the truth?
Or a twisted way to wipe some fellows off the screen of my life?

Am I scared of making enemies by being myself and sharing my feelings? Is that me who am hiding my feelings behind the bush, although I condemn a weedy heart? Didn’t I believe in honestly, and the freedom of thought? Don’t I hate fooling people around? Am I afraid of loosing the ones, although I don’t want them in my life!!!!

If the answer is no:

Then stand still, head up, look straight towards eyes, and say it right:
(My time is running out in a dynamic pace; and i'm not willing to split it between you and the true valued ones, therefor good bye is to you).

are you ready to order? would you like to have some misery or a slice of happiness for tonight? what about grilled laughter for your appetizer?

If there is a river via the astonishment of the ocean, if there is a dark sky via the brightness of the star, if there is a cry via the peace in mind, if there is a broken heart via the comfort of love, if there is a restrict prophet via the guidance of life. If there is a disease via the joy of health. If there is distance via the happiness of closeness.
If, There is a half moon via the pleasure of the shining surrounding sun,
If there is a devil spirit via the warmth of a heart. If there is a poor via the poverty of affluent. If there is an ugly appearance via the attraction of a beautiful face.

I partially consent the existence of both misery and the fortune, in order to get the human’s enticement and appreciation.
What makes me wonder and suspicious, is the role of diligence and split ion of these two opposites among creatures.
1-I wonder if there is any explicit assessment or supervision, in order to warrant a human, lives a miserable or a fortunate state? Whose life is going to be chosen as a melancholy via the brightness of someone else’s happiness?
2-And if there is a specific arrangement for this evaluation, what is this classification based on?
3-Or is this sorting running just by an incident of a coincidence?

you wish

He: you know ,you and me have a lot in common. Eians and ...ians have the same attitudes, gestures and backgrounds.

She: not a bit.

He: ... is so awful to live in lately. Like all the other AR countries.

She: not at all, , although I have nothing against ARs . But Just to let you know.

He: I know , we Eians are not ARs either.
I am sorry for M...ms though. Women with their long veils. All covered up, jailed in their caves. It’s good we are not M...m .

She: this is not true I have born M...m. So I am M...m. Although I am not religious, but I respect all ideas and religions as long as selfishness doesn’t interfere with that.

They are all the same to me. I have no offensive mind about them.

He: are you enjoying your freedom here? walking around Without any cover? If you were in ...like this, you would have been arrested, and they would have been called you a whore.

She: you are wrong ... is not like this. I am a free human everywhere I am. (She knows by heart she is not telling the truth, the freedom of minds, the freedom of thought, the freedom of talk. These words are forbidden for many many years in ...)

He: why you are getting upset? this is a certain fact. If ...was pleasant enough, you wouldn’t be here today. If not so, then why did you leave your own land?

Her face carries the expression of grief, her heart is broken. She feels so drained, and unable to criticize satisfyingly his hurtful behavior, unable to protect her native land. Unable to use proper supportive words for her own root.

She looks with disgust through his eyes, and says:
Because one day, a massive group of polluted minded, hopping mad animals, women harassers, natural born killers , blinded souls took away my mother land, my spirit from me.
what happened there had nothing to do with any religion, but the defection of the human’s indulgence.

I am staying here till I regain my strength, and take back what has been taken from me.

He smiled and said : you wish.

unexpected

Now again it’s the time to move on, to take my belongings and Put them in a new place. It’s been years I am doing this, and every time my possessions are getting less and less than before, I have tried so hard to be more free handed, but still there are things I have taken them with me everywhere I went.
This is the path I had chosen long time ago and I had kept my promise: not to call any place home, not to put my feet down on one piece for long, living like a flying bird, till I find it by my heart.
I had been looking at my shelter as a safe and sound place to lie down on there and rest a little and move on.
I used to think of them as a solitude cave; as a shelter to let my own people in, as a quite place to make plans for my next move.
And I had always cherished each moment I spent,anywhere I lived, with anyone I liked; knowing saying good-bye is coming ahead eventually by time.
and the "time" was always unknown.

But, This time is not like the others. I ‘m already aware of my next move, I am not living in this new place for long and I already know I shouldn’t make any passionate relationship with my new place; in my new place, I am obliging myself not to get attached to it by all strength, because I must leave in advance and it is going to be too early.
This time, I must leave to make home somewhere faraway. Yes this time, this new place is going to be my last own self-safe haven.
I feel weird. I feel scared and I feel happy at the same time.
I feel distant with my own self. I know I am acting as I promised. I am going to make that commitment, comes true; for myself and for his love.
I am going to welcome the two-selves. I am going to hold his hand and hand him my company, consistency and my love forever.
I am certain my time has come , and I must prove my devotion and fidelity.
But something has taken place, which I never had expected:
I am packing my belongings with tears, knowing this is the last time I am taking them with me. This is the last place they are my acquaintances; so certain that I’ll take the last glance at them before long.
These days, every corner I am stepping in to, whom ever I am with, reminds me of all the ups and downs I have had in here in this land, my shoulders shrug. I feel I could have called this soil home. I feel I could have had all my beautiful minded friends forever, and I feel my resistance to leave, I feel the warmth here, and I feel that if it wasn’t for him, if it wasn’t for my belief in love, I would have stayed here forever, embraced all the ones I care for harder, whispered softly:
Here, is my homeland, and you are part of it.

to be or not to be

One night, a guy covered in grey came close , and whispered the truth of love. At that night her life began. her heart trembled,and she became a woman.

she prmised him that if one day he leaves:
If he comes back to her, she shall exist, and if not , her exsitence is uncertain.
If this life is this without him, no more breath is her request.
If her laughter is without his company, her in tears is her wish.
If her lips couldn’t get the sweet taste of his skin, and if her hands cannot touch his warm shoulders, ending her part in this scene is her demand.

at last:

She betrayed him, she betrayed him, and she betrayed him. She told him she has no more feelings for him, she told him her being with him is putting her down, she told him, he is suspicious of being dominated. she made him guilty by no witness, by no excuse. She made him broken heart by no fears. She made him empty hearted by taking all the feelings away from his soul.

She is guilty by all means.

i am belonged

what have I done, dim deeds, I have no justification for that.
Before, I was so fearless about every thing, about every feature in this life. Especially about any human’s act. Now it is time I believe in curse. In people’s frightful hate, in resentment. They destroy our happiness, and our love darling, darling darling I am in tears
Darling it’s been so many years, I am trying to show you the real depth of my love for you, and you are still uncertain
since I promised you the beauty of harmony and the loyalty of innocence, I am so sober from any dreadful guilt. Blinded and occupied with last experiment of my making love with you and all the feelings and senses and thoughts. I have been worshiping you since I've become a real woman, since I've recognized the beauty of women's kind, since I've discovered my trembling heart.
I am in the crowd and my eyes are looking for you for your steps forward, although you are not among this crowd, although you are so far way, although I suffer the pain of reserve.
Darlings don’t turn your back to me. Whatever I said was so unworthy for you to rely on ?
Shame on me, shame on me,why I am acting so reckless, so dishonorable, I am in love and I showed you my cold inattention.
Darling what I said was as priceless as bubbling in the water,
I am certain of my diminishness, if you leave me forever
I swear to god whom I believe because of your existence, that you are all my reason to take the whole breath.
witouht you, my Life will get the color of my eyes, my thought, and my whole being.; massive black.
I did an unforgivable sin and saying:I’m sorry is not enough,
but I am sorry.

just one little advice and no more, i promise

Shake your soul, shake your mind, shake your body and move.
Take your backpack; hit the road, to somewhere, anywhere, which was unnoticed to you. You feel great afterwards. There is nothing better than traveling all over the world. you can do for yourself as a lesson for your life, as a pleasure for your soul, and as a memory in your mind.
Keep up with it; eventually, you’ll see the difference.
The more you see the unseen, the more detached you get from the acquisitive life, and more distant you feel to lavishness, it is a reason behind this, and the reason is:
You can’t take all your belongings with you everywhere you go and after a while you’ll be an expert and you’ll take as less and as sufficient stuff you could take. You learn how to separate your life from gibberish and any tittle-tattle and all the hopeless and ineffective relationships. Nothing irrelevant can satisfy you any more, because you have changed a lot by time, because you have observed the real meaning of being alive. And your joy is much advanced. So no matter what you do, no matter what individuality you have, move on with your life and take these steps, as long as you are not living your life in a forbidden place, you are able to do so, in the forbidden land, nobody is allowed to see the unseen.
Every day in my life, every morning I wake up, I am pleased and satisfied with my decision of abandoning my homeland by my heart. So I could live my life by witnessing my dreams are coming through every day, day by day.
Life is too short to be insensitive or impassive even for 1 breath, take the steps; you will see the diversity of your life....

will power

Since the beginning of the life, the story has been drummed into every human kind: willpower and the truth can do anything.


She thought she is something special, she thought she could fly up to the sky; she thought she was gifted with the will power at birth. She thought she is a virile.

Here, in the middle of the crowed, alienated.
No one here would give off a small glint that would help her find her way out of the dark. .
She swears she told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

But, her spectacular will, however much she trusts it, however persistent it may have been up until now, is not able to deal with her shuddering shoulders or her short breath.

At the end:


Are you alive? (They ask)
Certainly I am. (She cries)

Objection (her body shouts)
Her body contradicts her; the tremor in her chin reveals her fatality. Her body knows before she does that she will be fallen headlong, because of her will, because of her truth.


i guess it is the end of the life.

a mistake!

if you could cool down in "hell", then deny "heaven".

by any chance,isn't this what we do every day in our lives?

what am i talking about. ofcourse not!

i'm sorry, my mistake.

creative calculus

It’s time for you to start your accurate sum; lets see what you’ll get. (She says)

I am exited to start, the numbers on the paper are casting off, I see turmoil, and anxiety in their eyes, their perfect personification of innocence shows they are scared of misjudge.
Don’t worry; I am not here for any malice. You wretched numbers. It’s time to put you where you are belonged. (I say)
How amazing it is, giving life to these beautiful numbers, each of them has unique specialty, they are so delicate and raw (I say)
I add those who want to be together, who want to be united, who are in love.
I minus those who don’t have any desire to be related. Who need to be separated; who look for the new beginning, the new life.
I multiple the ones who are eager to move up, fly together, reach to the eternity, to the sun.
I divide those who are eager to help, who want to share everything with their own kinds, who are so generous, and so kind.
And I let the rest be as they are. Because, They are afraid of any transform in their lives, they are happy as they are; they are not willing to struggle.

Look at them, they have much-vaunted supreme dignity of the human being, so much more than wretched numbers of a piece of damp paper. I am a connoisseur of the truth. They are placed where they are belonged, without being contradicted by mistrust. This riddle is done with no blithe. (I say)

Is this your result? (She asks)
Yes, (I answer)

I sniff out the transgression of your mind. Move on, or I’ll declare your calculation is deceitful and false.you, Clear this mess up, Or I'll recognize you as one of those skeptical experts. (She retorts angrily)

Have I suddenly become an obscene and rude? Have I fallen into disuse? Yes she is right there is no chance to go beyond this academic hypothesis. (I am fearful)

Now it’s time to dismiss the dignity in human kind blithely. It’s time to malice. These numbers should be drowned ignominiously.( I am fearful)

After many dozens of meters of squiggled-on, scribbled on paper. My job is done. (I feel safe)

This idea was as sudden as lightning flash illuminating the night, which made me rise the numbers. Now I deny it outright. (you know why ).

saloume nakhsaz

romance

No body knows what’s in my heart my angel.
No body knows what’s in my mind my angel.
Look at this crowd, blinded eyes, and cold hearts. With charming smiles, I shouted; turn off the lights, it is the sparkling sky showing off it’s beauty, but they are so blind, ya they need these chandleries to make their dark hallways brighter, but hush, they are in solid dark,
Time is passing by so light and they still are mortals, and I am capable of coming out of this solitary.

Day by day I feel lonelier than the day before, and I need to be united with you, whom I love, but darling you are so far, and I am among these lifeless breathers.
Darling days are waiting for you to come and I am counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds and the 10’Th of the seconds, and….
Every blood in my vain is getting its life by your love.
My eyes were looking at these dark minded once but my heart was always belonged to you and just you, my heart is playing as a cold rock among them, here is not a safe place to open my delicate heart which is made only to beat for your steps and your smiles and the feeling of your touch and to suffer from your absence, yes darling my heart has learned how to suffer in silence and pretend to be so unruffled with distance.
I am judged by this crowd for being unreachable by heart, but there is someone in this humankind that has seen the truth of my heart, my nature, and my soul, and I am in no need of stranger’s trust.
The value of my existence has begun with..

she fails

Her life: too short
Number of unobserved: too many
Her ambition: seeing the unseen.
Her attachments: too many
Her Plan to reach her goal: detaching herself of any affection
Her plan: fails

life

No matter how hard I try to run faster, my feet won’t let me not to stop.
No matter how hard I try to be detached, my heart won’t let me to ignore it.
No matter how hard I try to learn, my mind won’t let me not to get distracted,
No matter how hard I try to be focused, my eyes won’t let me not to see around.
No matter how hard I try to be one, it will be one day, that my soul, will stop me, will show me that corner, my eyes will shine, my heart will tremble and I’ll see him .
I will smile.

saloume

real day

suffering from an unknown constant pain.
Remember the begining of today.walking so happy, so high;
this morning the Sky gifted me all its clouds, and i was stepping in to them. I felt so light. The sun was bright. my mind was naked; showing off its matchless nature to the life. Everything was great.
My soul; dancing all over the sunshine. Oh my god I felt so content.
I remember getting in to the gate. Pondering, smiling to the morning, to the "life".
I remember closing my eyes, while waiting for the train to come to the gate.
A voice said hi to me,it was coming from the corner beside me. I didn’t respond,i didn't open my eyes. I just smiled; being certain that i am fantasizing that voice in my massive illusion.
I remember the voice whispering sadly: today is going to be my only real day. I just smiled,I felt him blindly, wondering how does this sad voice belong to my beautiful imaginary day? It doesn’t match with the whole joyful feelings which are occupied inside me.Isn't today a wonderful day! How strange.
I remember feeling the train arriving.
I remember opening my eyes; looking further,yes the train was coming towards the gate, and i remember noticing someone standing beside me. I remember looking at his thoughtful eyes; it matches the sad voice in my dream. I Wondered if he was in my dream or for real.i thought: certainly, i am visualizing this image in my mind. i smiled at my imaginary man in my dream.he smiled back.
I remember the train getting closer to its place.
And I remember turning to look at the man in my dream. He jumped towards the railway and sat still, he looked up and looked at me and said bye. I remember he opened his hands,it was like he wanted to embrace the train.
I remember him getting united with the train.
I remember people shouting: somebody killed himself.i heard the screams all over the gate. I remember looking at the horrified eyes.and i was weeping softly.
I remember me walking back up the stairs and leaving the train station, my heart was crying out loudly, feeling so guilty for not responding to his warning about his real day. i should have opened my eyes, i should have looked through him and i should have told him:( listen, today is not your real day, it is not anybody's real day, it is one of my illustrative invented days, it is all my illusion,and you are part of it).
And I remember wishing for coming back to the reality to the earth.
I remember the day getting to its end and I was still in pain.

At last i remember recognizing my massive pain, it was belonged to the earth; to the reality, to the” dirt”;the place where any potential suicide turns in to to an action in there.
that day was nothing but a real day.




saloume

at this time of my life

I celebrate this year of my life with grace and joy.
I feel like a real woman; so cheerful; so content.
I believe I’ve seen a lot on my own; ready to take the new steps towards my life.
Feeling so detached of any disturbance, and willing to get more distance of dependence.
Adventures are there for me and I will take strong steps, at the right moments to move on, I’ll keep walking towards my chosen path. Destiny cannot take any chance to get to me without my self-desire.
The wisdom is calling me softly to go up the stairs; yes I’ll rush to look through the scene; beyond the edges.
This time I’m certain that nothing in the world can be a blocker, even for an instant, no matter what it is, no matter what it tastes, no matter how it hearts, no matter what it does. Not even my heart, not even my logical alarm vain. Not even the judgmental eyes.
Not even the shame.
I’ll keep walking towards my own path by all means:
I’ll be doing as i wish,i will be looking through the unseen scenes.I will be laughing with whom I truely love. i'll be cherrishing my moments . And I will be moving on at my time.
Being conscious of the infinite speed of my time, I’ll be alert not to miss a second of it.

At this time of my life, I feel unconfined of the burden, I feel so close to the massive wisdom; so intense.
So grateful for my being self.
By identifying this certain fact that I am neither completed yet nor perfect, I believe by my heart that, this is the beauty of my life, as a human being; matchless, looking for my missing pieces.
At the time I have those pieces in my hand, I’ll be united with eternity. And that will be the ending part of my life as me being my own kind.

saloume

the prophet says...

The prophet says: the endings of the stories are the main parts.
The endings of stories are the conclusions of people’s lives.
Be careful about the endings.
Be careful, be careful, be careful, so don’t live your lives, be careful.
Pray to god everyday, beg him to forgive your sins and be careful.
Step out of the flattering river, or you’ll get wet and you’ll catch cold.
Don’t sip the glass of sweet tasty desire, or you will ruin your ending part.
Don’t say to him,” who is not qualified by law”, whom you are deeply in love with, or you will miss your charming conclusion part.
Don’t take a walk beside that apple tree and don’t ever take a bite of that burgundy forbidden apple, or you’ll regret it at the end.
Stop smiling to the shining, bright morning, or you’ll cry at the last part.
Stop living your life, before you see your glorious life’s closing moments.
I turn my back, step outside the profit’s palace, slam the door behind me, I condemn the whole sayings. And now I am detached.
I take a deep inhale, step forward through my desires, follow my heart in every second of my breath, make a new path through my entire life.
I throw away the finale part.
I live forever in time by my soul with no ending part in my life.



saloume

THE DIFFERENCE

1: Everywhere is dark, she is still there, in that corner watching beyond that tree.
She is all wet, it is raining, I’m sure, she is feeling numb but she is not moving a bit.

2: What else is going on out there, tell me, tell me about all the details.

1: A guy is coming towards her, he stops, but no, he begins walking again. He is passing by her; I bet you he thought she is one of those lunatics on the streets.

2: Yap, nobody knows what she is doing out there, but us.

1: Yes, we both know, because I saw what happened, I was standing here, in this corner, like always, and describing every little thing which was happening, to you. You know you have been my ears for years and I have been your eye for so long. We complete each other. I like this.

2: Yes, we complete each other.

1: I still want to know, who was that dead body, she was carrying that midnight all alone by herself. I remember she was crying all long, till she left here.

2: Yes, you told me. She started digging the ground and after,she was kissing the body for hours till she buried it.
And after that, I hear her footstep going towards that corner every night. It’s been years.

1: Yes, and I am watching her coming every night: standing over that corner for hours, it has been years.
You know what, maybe it is the time for both of us to take a step outside, maybe we will find out who this woman is and whom she buried years ago.

2: No, that is not a good idea, she wont tell us the truth.what if she calls the cops on us.

1: But, I still think it is worthed to try.

2:No, think about it, lets say she tells us her story, then what?

1: I guess we can come back up here, satisfied to get an answer and go back to our routine lives.

2: I bet you, after we step outside, nothing will be remain the same. we will be going back and forth all the time, to check out so many other weird things. This world is full of questions, which are lacking for reasonable answers.

1: Ok, then you stay here, and I will go to find out.

2: No it is not possible, you can ask your question, but you won’t be able to get the answer, because you can’t hear it, you are deaf. Did you forget about this part in your plan? You remember we complete each other, we both make ONE.

1: So that’s it.you keep listening to her footsteps, and I keep watching her coming back and forth , but you know what I just figured why I have been made as a window and you as a door.

2: Really?then, why do you think I have been made as a door?

1: Because we both have two necessities of the three, which every exisisting human should have in him: ATTENTION, and CURIOSITY, but you and me are lacking the third one: which is called AIM. therefore I am a window and you are a door. we are worthed no more than that.

saloume

i never forget about tonight

after so long, i am here today with you, and you with me, face to face, looking at the past, which was deeply sad, tense, and so far far way. you telling me, i have changed alot and i am telling you, but you have not,just your eyes are smiling and your forhead showing your beautiful fortune coming along.
you're telling me life was so hard,i am telling you , yes it was, but we both made it. i am so proud.
you are asking me , now you know what you are looking for?
i am telling you, with a thoughtful smile, yes i am certain i am looking for nothing but love.
you are telling me, i had missed you so much , i am telling you i feel the same.it is so nice seeing you after all.
tonight we are drinking, laughing to our time which had passed by and cherish our moment at the time.
we are looking at eachother with peaceful love.
i will never forget about tonight.it will be always in my mind.

saloume nakhsaz

she was faithful to her GOD

Shall I condemn this pitiful life, if it is just it?

She came here, opened her eyes and saw nothing just misery and bad luck, she was unfortunate for her whole being and she died in pain.
She got stabbed on her back, she got beaten back and forth, she got betrayed all the time, but she never lost her faith for her GOD. She always prayed for the better life after death.

I don’t believe this new life after death, and I won’t pray for that. I don’t believe in magic either, how can I wish her, the beauty of the life, if I don’t believe in these nonsense?
I wish my belief was not so stiff and I could have prayed for her happiness after her pitiful death.

I am looking for the reason of her life? There is no reason just a selfish thought of giving someone birth, or a desire to get satisfied with no ponder, in order not to get distracted.

I am trying to get high and high and high, so I can believe in magic and miracle for a short time, so I could be able to see her up there, smiling and content.
In these moments of swimming in the mass illusion:

I am looking at a beautiful paradise up there in the sky just for her.
I am seeing her body and her spirit flying to this place with joy.
I am seeing her turning to a red tulip and coming back to the earth. She is happy and content, she knows she will vanish after a season, but she wants to be a tulip anyway.
She is telling me that it doesn’t matter how long she is able to laugh, the laughter itself matters, even, if it is just for an instant.
She is looking at the bright side of the life for the whole night

Now she is telling me: this is enough. I am satisfied, feeling her deep smile. So

I wake up and I am not high, she gets back underground.
Saloume nakhsaz

in an instant of one second

In an instant of a second, you feel the LOVE.
In this instant, you feel the LOST.

SALOUME NAKHSAZ

i promise you the beauty of the life

I promise you the beauty of the life, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”
I promise you, my shoulder side by side by my love.
“I don’t believe you”
I promise you the greeting of my home every time you step in, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, the birth of our child with pride by my love.
“I don’t believe you”
I promise you, to walk along every where, any time by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you my laughter, my tears by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, being your support, all the time, in the battles of life, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, I’ll be carrying your love in my heart, as long as I am alive, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, the warmth of my touch, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, I’ll be the one, whom you trust, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you my innocence, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you all the happiness existing on earth, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you to reach the stars, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you to believe in miracle by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you to believe in GOD by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you my fate, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you all my living being, my stance, my thoughts, my soul, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you to keep my promise all my life, by my love.
“I don’t believe you”

I promise you, not to make any promise based on ” love”, which wont last long.
“I believe you”.


saloume nakhsaz

must, do, don't

Running towards the hallowed stream, soaring, inhaling deeply to get my spirit fulfilled.
Closing my eyes, feeling my soul trembling by desire.
Opening my eyes, calling out my heart loudly, begging for silence.
Staring at my point, willing to stop before crossing the edge.
Wishing for clouds to come forward, helping me not to look forward. .
Twisting my body around, to get lost in the crowd.
Getting so high, flying through the sky to forget about my anxious thought.
Locking myself in one block for so long, in order to lose the time.
Leaving the town, hiding in the "nowhere" temple.
That’s all I must do.
That’s all I need to do.
But, I‘ll do nothing but crossing the edge by all aim.

saloume nakhsaz

my name is Nina, i am a stripper

My name is Nina, I am a stripper. I am 16, yes, below the age, I used the fake ID in order to get this job.I am going to be here for a short time, just to make 15000 dollars and that’s it. I need only 15000 dollars to be able to go to school, I would like to study fashion design, I like to have my own clothing line, and I just need 15000 dollars. You asked where my parents are.My parents are somewhere in the world, my dad is a drug addict loser and my mom has a husband who hates me. My mom has more children now, with the new husband, her husband doesn’t let her help me out. Actually one day my step dad caught me when I was at the stage performing, he filmed me and sent it to my mom, and she called me; she couldn’t stop crying, she begged me not to do it any more, I told her I’ll stop stripping if she gives me 15000 dollars, she said she couldn't... and I told her I will keep my job till I save 15000 dollars.
Now I can shop everywhere, all over the places and I get to meet different guys with powers and connections, one of them has promised me to help me go to school, he told me he is going to pay for my school, another has promised me to find me a shelter to live in, and the other has promised me to help me become a super model, the other one has promised me to help me be a movie star and I am happy , because it seems to me that my future is so bright. I have many clients, at different ages and different skills. I socialize with them, so I never feel lonely. I always go for a man I can rely on, and I will never go for someone who is at my age or a few years older, because he wouldn’t have any money to pay for my living and he seems like a child to me. I like elder men with more power and big connections. I’m sure my future is bright. I just need 15000 dollars. And I have already saved a little, you know I have so many expenses and I need more time to save all the 15000 dollars. I need to have beautiful and expensive clothes and other kinds of stuff to be more in fashion and more charming, I need to dress like a queen in order to catch men’s eyes. In a little more time I’ll save up my 15000 dollars and quit this job, as I promised my mom. My name is Nina, it been 3 years, I am working at the same strip club and I am sure this year will be the last year of my stay here, I am just here to save up 15000 dollars to be able to go to school, I still want to have my own clothing line and I want to be a successful designer; like the ones on TV, or I like to be a famous actress. You ask me what happened to the guys who promised me my bright future. Well, they left me, and went for fresher and younger strippers; but I know I can get there on my own. And, I will find new connections. I am certain it won’t take long, I will quit this job when I save up 15000 dollars, as I promised my mother. My name is Nina and I am a stripper, I am 45.I need to save up 15000 dollars to be able to retire. As a day pass by, I am becoming more like a misfit ;my body is losing its beautiful shape day by day and I am losing more and more clients. I need to save up 15000 dollars to be able to quit this job and be on my own for a while, till I find another job as I promised my mother. I still carry my sweet dreams with me all the time; a powerful clothing designer, a beautiful actress living a peaceful life. I am certain I am not going to be here for long. I will save up my 15000 dollars and will look for another job;as I promised my mother. I will get a nice place to stay. And maybe some day I will find my dream man, and my true love. My name is Nina; I am 64, homeless and tired. I was a stripper. Salome N. Saz

in the moment of your life

In one moment of your life, you’ll get to this point that it was all illusion and that’s all.
In one moment of your life you’ll get to this point that it was all just imaginings.
In one moment of your life, you’ll see nothing but abstract.
In one moment of your life you’ll see you are stepping downhill
In one moment of your life you’ll see nothing just cloud
In one moment of your life everything around is backwards
In one moment of your life you get to the point you haven’t been in fact in love and all that was your misleading reflections.
In one moment in your life you’ll find out your spirit didn’t tremble; deep down by your heart.
In one moment of your life, you’ll doubt that this existence on this mud was valid.
In one moment of your life you’ll find out your dreams were more real than your true being at present, you wonder if your vision is real and your being is the vision.
In one moment of your life, you’ll reject all doomed matters around you.
In one moment of your life, you’ll regret your happiness and laughter over contemptible affairs.
In one moment of your life you’ll be disappointed with your own nation.
In one moment of your life you’ll regret your possessions on the earth.
In one moment of your life, you’ll abandon your green emotions to the one.
In one moment in your life you’ll abandon your ideas, your thoughts.
In one moment of your life, you’ll care about your” death after life”.
In one moment of your life you’ll decide to “skip all your life.”
In one moment of your life, you’ll find out you are not satisfied after all.
In one moment of your life, you’ll decide to” make changes in your life”
At this moment, you’ll wake up, you’ll turn back, and you’ll find your life “off the sight, you’ll pound, then you’ll find the act very hard, you’ll rather to go on your life “untouched”.
That’s the time; you’ll lose it in instant; by ignoring” that moment in your life”.
So nothing will adjust. Unfairness will give birth more and more, all over. Your homeland will shrink. Your self prides will vanish. Your own language will be ignored. Your family will fall apart. Your talents will be denied. You will abandon your own root,; your native soil.. Your detach t will drain all your heart, by time.
You’ll feel not belonged to anywhere to anyone.
You’ll feel lost all the time by your heart, by your mind.
Just imagine, what would have happened, if you had cherished” that moment of your life”, at the time.
saloume nakhsaz

real love

Show me the path, or I’ll walk with him on his road.
Give me your hand, or I’ll take his hand in an instant.
Dance with me, or I’ll swing with him in the crowd.
Touch my lips, or I will touch his face by my lips.
laugh with me, or I’ll smile at him while he is passing by.
Be my shoulder, or I’ll chose his shoulder to rely on.
Be my dream man, or I will make him, as my hero.
Take me to the safe side, or I’ll find his shelter the safest place.
Love me, or I’ll ask him to do so.
All i said above, shows my pure and genuine "love" towards you, the purest love you can get on this earth. If you are not certain, I’ll get him to say he trusts me. me.

Saloume nakhsaz .

holly child

Night, night, darken sight, palace all on fire, screaming from far beyond; from the holly land. Hush hush, someone is giving birth somewhere cold! Someone is giving birth a thing with a cross mark on her side and a tulip shape head, this is not normal, it is insane, hush hush.
All the lunatics and confused minds are gathering there. They are watching this tulip shape head creature coming through the womb, along with misery. Some one asks: “who’s this child? I mean who is its father”? The other one reply: “it is belong to one of the holly men. He came to help the lost woman feels closer to god, and the child is the crop of wisdom. Act of god comes along with an upcoming fruit side by side, the fruit is called a "holly spirit".

Saloume nakhsaz

all my life

Tired of being wasted, worn-out of going through layers, truth is still hidden so deep in the dark. How can I get there, it’s been long, since I started looking through for it and still incapable of having right respond, I’ve been sheltered all behind.
I’ve been trying so hard to step in my heart and knock it off the rout, then why is it still burning inside, trembling deeply and making everything so hard. I thought, I’d lock that door years ago, lost the key on purpose, and deleted the password off my mind.
Now look at it, it is shaking, trembling. It’s on fire, exploding me and my soul. Shame on me, shame on my aim, shame on my soul, shame on my heart. It’s been a decade since I stopped crying over faith, over lost love and over broken heart; I believed it‘s the result of vanishing my senses through love.
I’ve been meditating for long, so I can keep my heart away from this tragedy coming along with love. I’ve been worshiping knowledge for so long, so I can get away from the misery coming along with my trembling spirit. I’ve been praying all day long to my compassion, so it doesn’t get involved in this “being in love offense”
I’ve been ignoring the cipher of” my eyes my hands, my smile” in the sight.
after all,my soul revealed "my hidden secret,my pain",at the moment he whispered softly: “darling you are deeply in love”


saloume nakhsaz

find your GOD

1, 2, 3, inhale…., dangle…., twist your body. Start moving towards yourself, in a circle, rounded shape, the centre is you, and the whole round is you. Chant, chant, chant.
Pond for one second of million pieces of desires.
Gaze at your aim, aim at your point, run for it, but mingle in a round, don’t lose your tern, or you’ll lose your aim. Wait for your soul to follow your mind and ,stay still till the soul reaches the mind, till they get along, side by side, till they make one .
now it’s you turn, step forward, in the water, wash your soul-mind, come back here, set the fire, step inside, feel the warmth, sense the light, catch the height, touch the life.
you see your soul falling apart, piece by piece ,reaching the top , top of your mind, mind has left behind. in this round, there is no way to make them one.
Let the mind step aside, it is blind; the light is more than its kind.
The pieces of soul; have made the divine above the time, in the mass light.
At this instant you are the GOD .

Saloume nakhsaz

he

He tells me he is nothing, I tell him his every little cell worthed more than a billion unworthy lives.
He tells me he's got nothing worthy during his time, I tell him he has got my love.
He tells me he is lonely I tell him, he has got me all these time, side by side.
He tells me he is left behind, I tell him I am on his side, I won’t leave him behind.
He tells me he have not had fun in his life, I tell him in my all entire life, being with him has been my fun.
He tells me it is late, his time has gone; I tell him, he is just at the right time.
He tells me he has been slave all the time, I tell him to look around if he can see GOD around.
He tells me life is not fair, I tell him what did he expect, this is unworthy earth.
He tells me he is tired, I tell him, he still is alive.
He tells me he needs to rest, I offer him my shoulder.

saloume nakhsaz

smoking is not good for your health

I never quit smoking so I can taste the bitterness in my mouth, then I never get this illusion of sweet taste of possibilities which may take place in my life.
I never leave my cigarette away, so nothing tastes what they wanted to me to taste, I want to have the taste of this cloudy, edgy, foggy, numb, light, and a little brightness on the top of it, it is not shiny it is just light, as light as the world could be not more not less.
I can see through it and not more, I get the taste of the real days.
They say it shortens the life’s length. So what? What is going to happen after the shortage of my life which I’ll maybe miss?
Life is completed by the time; my cigarette decides to end. I am certain about it.
It helps me to lose my aggressive appetite for foods which I rather not to have, so I don’t get the pleasure of being filled and satisfied with this unworthy dirt barrier.
It stops me for having an invalid sex which I rather not to go for.
It helps me not to drink alcohol as much as I desire,
It balances my life and it gives me the pleasure of my lonesome, it is just about me and it, and the cute little light and the nice cloud takes me to my own charming dreams which are not possible to come true in this earth for every certain cause.
It is my prayer to my soul, my God.
It is my intend to see through its ashes left. These ashes are: The ruins of my time, which has passed by, the ruins of my laughter which has ended. the ruins of my tears which have gone, the ruins of my childhood which has left, the ruins of my youth which has busted , the ruins of the sunrise which has disappeared, the ruins of my womb which had given birth, the ruins of my shadow which has stopped coming with me in the dark side of my life, the ruins of my homeland which has destroyed. the ruins of my never ending dreams till ( it )decides to end; of course with my true companionship.

saloume nakhsaz

she

she is still unable to hear. Yes she is still deaf.
She is still full of grace and she still does sins a little here and there.
she still dances like a light bird, floated in to the soft sky. She still wears red lip gloss and red skirt.
she still calls everyone by their nicknames.
She still has night mare when she watches scary movies, oh I forgot to tell you that she loves watching scary movies. She still brushes her hair before going to bed and she still washes her make up at night, oh yes she still wears lovely make up. She doesn’t believe in any beauty surgery though she is neither against it.
She still catches the fashion news and she still read love poems.
She still smiles while she is passing by stranger and she still says hi to everyone.
She still has healthy diet and she still pays attention to the flowers.
She still has allergy to dust, and she still loves to live in the heart of the town.
She still goes to the bookshop and she still buys books with fancy covers. She still buys cute under wares and she still does her nail with the pink touch.
She still wears high heels and she still has charming look.
She still carries colorful bags; she still enjoys the sound of the sea.”” she says so”.
She still drinks a glass of wine every night and she still goes to sleep with love songs on.
She still writes letters to the old lover and she still gets back some love letters.
She still wears nice perfumes and she still blushes when a man is charming.
She still wakes up with hope in her life and she still has a few lovers.
She still is the only one who lives her life.
I always wonder maybe it is because of not hearing anything just the sound of pure life by heart.

the truth

Layers have vanished.
Truth is going to be borned as a massive surface. Visionary comes along.
Sees through it, sees the innocence. Touches the truth with his delicate hands. Embraces it with his trembling soul. Kisses it with his fragile, pale lips, poisons the truth.

Innocence Buried in the dark night. There was a lip shape mark left on her forehead.

The truth tastes bitter.

saloume nakhsaz

it is cold in here

It’s September.
It’s been a month, I’m here and I wish I could have gone back and see you guys, I wonder, why did I come here, here is too far away from home. And people are so close minded and dull.
I can’t get out of my apartment to walk around at night. It’s so scary and dark; there is no light out there, maybe 2, or 3 in the main street.
Here is a small village, filled with lots of farmers and cows.
University is packed with these girls covered up; head to toe in black, and men are all have beard, they don’t smell nice, because of their strict religion. They believe, if they smell nice, it is against God wish.
I’ve been asked to get covered up, like these strange girls. So I had to buy one of these big black shall, which is called “chador”, and now I’m look like a holy saint. I’m not attractive with this long, black thing covering all over me, and I don’t really care about it. I am just concentrating on my books and I’ve decided to get an A in all of the courses, I have taken.
I had to get Islamic science course, it was mandatory, and I couldn’t skip it. The teacher hates me, he wants to find an excuse to make me embarrassed in front of the students, he knows I am not a believer, he looks at my eyes and he gets annoyed, he told me several times that I don’t belong here. He is right, but I won’t back up. I stand still.

The boys are either bunch of geeks or lunatics, who just smoke joints, they are always high, I can tell, by their eyes. Here they don’t have anything to do just studying, or getting high. There is no place to go and have fun and there is no pretty girl to fall for, even if they are pretty, they are hidden, behind the chadors.

It was a wrong choice, I made; coming here. but I can’t take back what I said, if I do so, my parents won’t trust me anymore. They had warned me before; they knew everything about this place.
They reassured me, can’t handle this weird environment.
But I was so stubborn to listen, I wanted to try this big challenge, I wanted to be adventurer, and get to know different places and different people, with totally strange behaviors. Now I’m lost among these aliens.
Now I can’t say anything, I don’t like, them to think, I’m a coward, and I can’t keep my word.
I’ve missed you my sweet friend.
Say my hello to everyone.




It’s October. And it’s getting so cold in here. Here is a wasteland, its winter is too cold, and I’ve been told the summer is getting too hot. So unbelievable.
Everything is ridiculous down here. And I’m so worn-out, I’m studying mornings and nights, my marks are straight A’s, actually, I’m so proud, this is, the only thing which makes me keep going.

Darling, I have to go now. I have class in about half an hour; I don’t want to miss even one minute of the class. I am going to send this letter, on the way to school.
Miss you, say hello to everyone.

It’s January and I know I’ve not written to you since October, darling I have not forgotten about you, don’t worry, I did not get in to troubles. Everything is great, and here is wonderful lately.
I shall confess that I am in love. This love has made my life so cheerful here.

We met at school, he just got transferred here, he is so magnificent, he is exactly my type, he is what I’ve always wished as my dream man; impressive attitude, charming look, and so talented, darling I am so thrilled.
I am spending most of my time with him, we traveled together, I went to his city and it was fun and so romantic, that is why I didn’t come home for my reading week.
He is so wonderful and I am so content.
We both have the same courses. So we see each other everyday.

The only bad news; is my marks are awful lately, and I’ve failed one of my courses, I can’t concentrate, either on my books nor my teachers.
I’m just thinking about him, and my love towards him; mornings and nights. He’s love has occupied my life. But despite of my bad marks and my parents rage about it, I’m happy, and content, so nothing else really matters. I’m happy.

We will skip our classes, next week, we are going traveling again, and we will come back in 2 weeks.
By the way, don’t mention about him to my family. I haven’t told my parents about him yet, you know how they are. Now they will start blaming him for my bad marks.

One more thing, I shall say I am getting to love this city, it’s so peaceful and romantic, even I love my black chador, and it makes me more mysterious.
Everything here smells like fresh flowers; you should come and visit one day.
The stars are so close to me, when I stare at them at nights, I feel, I can pick them, if I stay up on my toes. These shining stars are one of the gifted beauties in the desert.
Oh darling I almost forgot to tell you, that I can’t spend the March break with you, I have to go to his town, and he wants me to meet his parents.
I’m sure you understand it.
I wish you the best on your birthday.
I’ll make it up to you. I promise.
Your’s saloomeh







.

i

beautiful dreams

Beautiful dreams


I never imagined this house would be my Burdon.
I never imagined one day I have to find a way to get out of here with fear and hatred.
I never imagined myself looking upstairs from this corner to make sure if my son is still sleeping in peace.
I never imagined if I step upstairs, I would make both of us in big danger.

I must not move abet, I know I must stay still. Till the time comes up, till the sunrise.
I wish he doesn’t wake up, or I am in big dilemma.
I look towards my son’s bedroom in the last corner. The puny light is still on, like always, so he doesn’t get scared of dark. And he could step in to my room, whenever he needs me.
But I wish he doesn’t wake up now, and step in my room, if he goes in there, he would see him, he would smile and his smile would turn to uncertainty.
I wish I could go to my son and take him with me, right now, but it’s not possible, and there is not such a thing as magic.
Now, if I run upstairs, he will wake up and will come after me again .I must wait, I can’t open the main door and runaway, I can’t leave my son with him, what if he points at my son this time. So, I have to wait till the end of the night, till the sunrise.
I wish my child would be having beautiful dreams, about his parents and about this house.
I wish I could have moved the curtains to see the sky, so I witness the sunrise.
And I wish all of this, would have been just a bad dream. I wish I could have woken up and smiled.
I am close to the kitchen, stocked in the hallway, closest place to the main door, and right in front of the stairs, I am able to watch my son’s room from here, so he would be safe, close to this hall way is the bathroom, full of perfumes and flowers, I imagine myself going in there, lucking myself up and wearing lots of perfume, looking at myself in my favorite mirror. I believe that mirror makes everybody more beautiful and still.

I look at dining room on the left side, it’s huge and dark, I wish it would have turned around and vanished, so I could pass it and get in to the back yard, smell the flowers, in the garden and touch the clean water, coming down from the water fall, which has my face built on it, with a confident smile on my lips, looking towards the hallowed water.

I wish I could have passed the garden, go in to the small play room, which its walls, all are made with shining glasses, and full of colorful balls. This was my favorite room. I wanted the walls made with glasses, so there would be the morning light, and my son can see the entire sunshine. I am certain, if I got in there, I would feel harmless, but I shall remember, there is no such a thing like magic.
I stay still at the hallway, lit my cigarette, the sweet light makes my heart warm and I feel a little recovered, I look at my son’s room, still safe.
At the living room, in front of me, there are broken glasses of the picture frames, all over the floor, they used to be hanged on the walls. 2 or 3 are still hidden on the wall in the back corner, terrified, so nobody can harm them. my hands are covered with scratches of the broken pieces, pointed and thrown at me, I feel good, I could save my face, I guarded it with my both hands, I did it, so my son wouldn’t recognize any disturbance inside me, by looking at my face, at my eyes.

I’m certain, the morning will come soon, and everything will end.

I step towards the dinner table and move one of the chairs, let myself under the table, put the chair back in order. The chairs around me guard me from any harm. The table wouldn’t let any thing, thrown at my head, so I’m safe for now. I make sure I could still see my son’s room from here. I count to 6387, till sunrise.

It is morning, I hear some voices from outside, people have started their new days.
It is time to take steps.
I get out of my cave, stand still, make up my mind and run towards the step to get in to my son’s room. Right before I open the door, he comes out of the bedroom, horrified, and ashamed, steps towards me, He starts crying and asks me to forgive him about last night. I keep silent, my eyes show my hatred. He recognizes this look. I whisper, it is too late, he keeps crying. I ask him to stop, so I can wake my son up, I don’t want my son sees him diluted and lost.
He gives up piteously and vanishes.
I run to my son, I kiss him. He opens his eyes, smiles at me. I embrace him, kiss him again. I tell him how much I love him and ask him to get ready, that its time to leave.
He looks at my eyes with a deep trust, he smiles, and he doesn’t ask why.

saloume nakhsaz

HE SMILES, I'M CONTENT

What is with me?
What is with all happiness beneath my soul?
Was love that strong before?
Was I blind before?
How I didn’t move the mount with this power before?
How I didn’t cross the forbidden river long time ago?
Maybe it’s my age, my feelings and emotions getting ripened and more delicate.
He cried out last night, he moaned and I was close to madness.
Today he is smiling and full of hope and desire, and I’m content and so joyful.
What is love going to do with my soul?
What is with hidden passion among all forbidden thoughts and silence?
Now I’m exploring to the entire brightness and not ashamed a little for my enormous love dogged in my soul.
What did this love did for me? It made everything absolutely impossible, turned to most possible and pleasurable moments.
Who made this name for this misteriouse”love”?
I have never thought about its power and dignity in my vain, in my blood and my heart.
I’m in love and I was always been and I’ll be always being in it, I am so passionate and pleased with my feelings, with my never-ending joy and love.
It’s all about love.
What do people live without sensing this energetic, desirable and joyful love.
I’m so sorry for them.
Maybe I am chosen by this power, by god to be happy and content at the end , by this sense, by this passion which is love
It’s all over me, it’s all over the lands and it’s in the shining stars.
I’m dancing peaceful by moonlight, at night, moon is smiling at me. In the morning sun is welcoming me to the earth and sunset will again let me in to the stage to dance again one more time.
I’m mingling to the lights and t the shadows and to the sky.
I say hello to the birds and to the seashore and to the mounts.
I cherish each moment of my life and I love to be alive and I want the time stops and I will be never losing these unexplainable moments of my life.
I’m so in love, he is smiling, I’m content. He is proud, I’m dancing. He is thankful, I’m drunk.
I love him to death, to the end of massive light.
I love him as a mother loves her child, as god loves his human, as a kid loves his mom.
I love him as a guitar plays it’s song, as the birds singing love songs as the rivers join the ocean, as the cloud makes it’s rain, as the flower smiles to the sun. As God looks at me, from up there towards down.
I’m in love.

love is heaven

The world can still be appealing, so charming. I love it when he is smiling.
The world can be fulfilled with happiness and my dreams can be coming through .I’m stepping up towards it
The world is not just about misery and soreness.
I’m so joyful and content, for my love’s expansion and victory. I’m so delighted. Thrilled.
I wish him the best in his entire life, forever. And I’ll be always with him with all my heart and passion, hoping he is fine and content. He deserves it. He deserves all the best. He is my love.

He was always like a beautiful boat, which i always admired, from the distance and from faraway, and now it’s getting close to the time to get in to the boat and be floating on the river, I’ll go anywhere he takes me to. I’ll never leave him alone, I promise that deeply in my soul in my spirit. with every breath i take.
I love him, for what he is and for his love.

His happiness makes my life, my moments like shining stars. I’m shining in my heart; my heart is trembling for his success. He worked so hard to make everything right and make our wish to come through. I appreciate his intelligence and his patience, and his love.
I wish I could be the one he always imagined of me. I wish I can make him the luckiest human on this earth. I love him. Deeply, truly and I am so relieved. He made it.
He is happy and content , I wish I was there with him, side by side and I could have shared my happiness with him,look at his eyes,whisper, how much I am proud and pleased.
I believe in god, I believe in happiness and I believe that, true and real dream will come true one day, but patience is required with love.
I have no fear anymore; I’m not scared of getting lostanymore. Now I’m sure I will never be forgotten in god’s eyes.
I’ll be always there for him, even if he is far far away.
I know I’ll be waiting for him, no matter how long it takes, I’ll be here and anywhere he desires of, just for him. He is the one. What else on earth resembles briefer, and more powerful than my love for him?
I’ll cry with his sorrow and I laugh with his laughters. I admire his footsteps, when he is walking along, his smile when he is thoughtful and his soft love, when he is looking at me. His pure soul and innocent heart.
I love him and I believe, God exists with all his power and sincerity, because he gave my love back to me.
There is still hope and happiness in here. Yes there is. I’m so thankful.

nothing is in people's hands

Nothing is in people’s hands.
They’re just actors, in different sides of this enormous the human race; they smile and cry whenever they’re told to do so.
Staying behind and looking at this dreadful unhappiness coming along side their body. It’s a grief. You feel it, you suffer, and you can do nothing.
People’s relation between them. Something which they’ve been said, it’s in their blood to love their own siblings and parents and husbands and wives. Why?
You are my sister so I love you I must have this feeling inside me, we have born from same place and our parents are the same.
Then what is it with loving somebody far from your nature and blood. You feel shy and nervous whenever you look at him and you’re close to the edge of madness, that one you call it love as well. you want to die for him , and after a while he cheats on you , or you’ll do, it doesn’t matter, cheating shouldn’t be physical, you cheat when you don’t think about him that much or when you don’t love him as you did before, that is having affair, because, you have resentful for your own heart , your own soul. I call it affair. You both y feel coldness and distance and you need to fill your time with the others.
You haven’t see your siblings for long time, because you are an actor you have to be anywhere you’ve been told to go and after a while you see them again with an stranger whom she says he is her husband , it’s so funny and ridiculous because you’ve been said you must love him too, why? Because he is my brother in law, a mother should be loved by her child, even though she never was there for him, just because she was the one who gave birth to the child. What nonsense.
You must let them in. let them in your heart and in your home and take care of them, because they are your relatives, where is morals and where is your own choice and your own manner, where is your own self?
It’s all over, it’s all over.
They put somebody up there, and they tell you, you must praise and worship him, why?
Because he is the king and this kingdom goes to his family or to his acquaintances, to people like him. To sheep like him, who is he himself, he is another actor, he is the silliest, he has more responsibilities than the simple one.
One day they decide that he is not obeying that much, so they let him go, they throw him out. And they will call it his retirement.
They put someone else somewhere up and they tell you he is the judge and he is the one who will decide weather you shall live or die. Whatever he says is the law. I pity this law.
Where are you, where is the real you? What is happening to you?
They call some lands .free lands and when you go look at t deeper you see nothing whcich represents freedom. Hey call some else religious lands, when you get in there. You see everything else but true religion. There is no heart and sincerity. They rape the tulips right away and they call it sanity.
They are not satisfied yet, so they build some holly places and they call on people to go and pray there, so they can get their wishes come true and their guilt goes away. Nobody ever asked who is in there, why we go in there to pray and worship? We can pray anywhere, what is difference. What is with praying, admiring?
What is with scarification and forgetting your own self for something else someone else?
Why not walking around, and do your stuff, without any must, without any obligation, without any orders. What is wrong with liking something, without being told to do it or feel it? What is wrong with giving a hand to a stranger without being any relation, just you and your heart and you, and your choice?

LISTEN TO ME

Listen to me.
Soul is shouting out: listen to me .he’s sobbing.
God told me: I purred a little sip of the tasty wine in your heart, so you my dear get your heart touch your love and pass the tasty wine to him, to every one in the universe, so they can get the tenderness and the sweet taste of it.
Tell that sea bird to go to the entire earth and pass my sincere love to the humankind.
I’m awarding you with this that love still exists; in your hearts and in your souls. Cherish you; mingle around the fire, fire of senses, fire of touches, and fire of GOD.
GOD still exists; looking at me, watching me carefully, so nobody can harm me. Nobody can spoil my soul,my heart. My bruises inhaling.
My heart is still an infant, with no scratches on sides and in depth.
I’m telling you this love story between me and GOD. He is still looking at me and smiling at my whole being. He falls for me. I’m blessed. I’m blessed with this Holy Spirit.

Here nobody is holding a hand. Here, there is no clear path, but over there, they say the blessing and warm welcome. I am going there with contentment and pleasure.
It’s time for leave. I’m s o blissful .I feel such constant.
GOD will be giving me his hand, and his company.
I’m so delighted.
I’m so free.
I’m getting out of the slavery of my guilty body.
Guilt is getting mute and unseen.
Guilt is getting abandoned and untouched.
Guilt is getting to its finish.
I’m so thrilled, I’m so pleased.
Every second of my last moments, I’m getting more and more ready to head off.
After having a sip of that red wine, in God’s house, I’m so joyful. Prepared for walking off.
My soul, my individual, is counting the split seconds, I’m cherishing the last moments. I’m so boundless.
Waiting for his call.
He told me, that my instance is approaching before long.
My heart is haling, broken parts are getting their strength back, from wound.
My soul is smiling at the fate.
I’m so excited.
My soul companion will call me presently.
I’m packing my soul, my heart, my spirit; I’m taking them with me, there.
Over there, is always dazzling, the lights are all over. Sunlight out there.
Flames all over, coloured: true crimson .tulips cheery.
It’s magnificent, I’m so in love. I laid a hand on innocence.
Paradise is colored golden.

i'v set the ending

It’s time to fly up
I’ve set it. It’s the instance to fly awake.
It’s my moment
I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to take wing.
Life wasn’t a sweet dreams .I’m desperately expecting my fatality.
I have had enough. Life has reached to the closing stage.
Dreams are such bitter; I have no desire for them anymore. Sincere end, I’d like to celebrate your victory, come to me.
why you’re hiding from me. Come to me.
I’m looking for you all over. Help me uncover youre soul.
I’m feeling so close to you. I know I know. Help me to stumble on you. I feel you’re panting. I’m blind rigt now; and still incapable of seeing you. Give me your hand. Let me kiss your lips.
Dance with me, hold me tightly. Hold me tight, lets make one.
Come to me.
It’s not something strange or unattainable; asking you to be your partner and share my whole being with you.
My life is fulfilled with sorrow and regret. I don’t want it any more. I can’t. I can’t. I need to loosen up and calm down.
I need your friendship. Your honesty and love.
Don’t leave me alone, here in this disgraceful land.
Hold me, keep me safe. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you this time. But promise me, don’t embrace me with recreation or something like this, don’t ever give me one more life. I’m through. I’m drained. Hand me the serene, that sweet and joyful serene of birth. Forever Leisure. Don’t worry I don’t believe in the hell or heaven.
I’m absolutely free minded of this nonsense.
Once my grandmother whispered to me there will be no angle or evil, if you don’t believe in them. But when you start believing in their existence, you’ll see them. at that day I tried to not believe in them, because I was so scared : what if I see them and I’ll freak out. And now it’s time to regret believing in god and heaven and the hell, so I won’t see them. I did a mistake you know. It was an unforgivable fault .once I believed in evil and I saw him in here. It was terrifying and I got misfortunate. I should have not trust him. I regret that day all my life; so bad. I can’t get my life back, but its everlasting lesson for me.
Now I don’t want to see god. No matter of what happens to me I don’t want to see god. God gave me tough times. I’m so disappointed.
What I have done to him.
I just believed in his sincerity and love, so I fell in love, since then disaster came along. That vulnerable faith.
I trusted him and his love and his angles. look what happened to me.
I am so tired of taking tranquilizers, so they can make me happy or in the other word make me as a normal being. I don’t want to take them any more. I don’t want to be in that nasty illusion of happiness and wrong images of my existence. It’s enough. I like to see my real being; face to face. Natural face of my living, with no image or delusion.
This is me, this is existence, and this is dark. This is solitude. This is the last part.
Now I must beg you. To come and take me with you. I must beg you to embrace me tightly; even you don’t want to fall for me. This is my soul fairy-tale.
Why don’t you move toward me? I’m not appealing? It’s not the moment yet. How many years should pass by to reach to that split second? Tell me. draw closer, look at me; to face, and tell me about my instance. I swear, I do believe in you, so I could see you. I assumed you since the day one of my being, now it’s your moment to establish your belief in me, as a companion, come up to me, I promise, the time you look at my eyes, you’ll recognize my love for you. It’s the time.

saloume nakhsaz