confession

Dearest, this is a confession letter.
Now is 6 in the morning, and i'm still unable to sleep. Days are passing by, and i'm getting more and more terrified about our fate.
I've lost weight . And i'm looking so pale, looks like, there is not much blood left in my vein.
I know, i'm still young enough to catch some more years, but who really does exists, who knows, when the"time" is?

I know i've hurt you, and i know how authentic and enduring, you still are with me.

Dearest, since, made you promise that i'll be on my feet for you; walking by your shoulders; side by side, i've massively affected. I can't say, wether it's fine, or not. But darling, i'm so terrified.

You'll never undersand, the meaning of"your living being" to me.
You'll never sense it.

Since you came to my life story, since the begining phase; you've converted in to my own faith, my blood; my core.

It's impossible to describe it, even to my own self, that being away from you, and suffering from reserve, was much saner than taking the same steps with you; side by side.
I'm so frightened of loosing my spirit, and my aim to stand up and fly out.
If i lose you, i'll lose my words; my thoughts and my whole individual.
I know, you'll never leave me, but there is something inside me, which makes me unapproachable, and covered up.
My heart wants you deeply, but my soul; my being istrying to escape.

I'm suffering from having doubled-life, and being in various sides.
I'm unable to be in the same track, and you know it.
The reason is, my fear of getting attached in to the earth.
I'm obliged to fly away, with an empty bag; light wings to fly high. I can't carry so much with me, while i'm flying away.
I need to reach to the final end.
I'm unable to lead or stop my own being.
Before, itried so much to live like others, but the only thing i inherited, was having lovable parents; being loved by them, and loving them back. going to school, feeling cold, dump, and pain.
These are immense.
But, since i've given to this land, i was carrying pain with me, pain of suffering from being away from my own land.
It was long time ago, i realized, here is not mine, here; i'm a strainger, i don't belong here, and no one belongs to me in this land.
I'm detached, even if i don't want to be so, my fate will detach me, with some one incredible.

This is my true fate.
The truth of my individual, is skilling love and pain. I have a feeling of" getting trained and examined" all these years.

You know, i believe, there is someone, watching me, up there; in the high sky. who will take me back to my specific railway, whenever i get side-tracked of my own fate.
And if i am taking someone special with me, he'll take" the one" back, and leaves me there, all by my own self; carrying no furthur weight.

Saloume Nakhsaz