real day

suffering from an unknown constant pain.
Remember the begining of today.walking so happy, so high;
this morning the Sky gifted me all its clouds, and i was stepping in to them. I felt so light. The sun was bright. my mind was naked; showing off its matchless nature to the life. Everything was great.
My soul; dancing all over the sunshine. Oh my god I felt so content.
I remember getting in to the gate. Pondering, smiling to the morning, to the "life".
I remember closing my eyes, while waiting for the train to come to the gate.
A voice said hi to me,it was coming from the corner beside me. I didn’t respond,i didn't open my eyes. I just smiled; being certain that i am fantasizing that voice in my massive illusion.
I remember the voice whispering sadly: today is going to be my only real day. I just smiled,I felt him blindly, wondering how does this sad voice belong to my beautiful imaginary day? It doesn’t match with the whole joyful feelings which are occupied inside me.Isn't today a wonderful day! How strange.
I remember feeling the train arriving.
I remember opening my eyes; looking further,yes the train was coming towards the gate, and i remember noticing someone standing beside me. I remember looking at his thoughtful eyes; it matches the sad voice in my dream. I Wondered if he was in my dream or for real.i thought: certainly, i am visualizing this image in my mind. i smiled at my imaginary man in my dream.he smiled back.
I remember the train getting closer to its place.
And I remember turning to look at the man in my dream. He jumped towards the railway and sat still, he looked up and looked at me and said bye. I remember he opened his hands,it was like he wanted to embrace the train.
I remember him getting united with the train.
I remember people shouting: somebody killed himself.i heard the screams all over the gate. I remember looking at the horrified eyes.and i was weeping softly.
I remember me walking back up the stairs and leaving the train station, my heart was crying out loudly, feeling so guilty for not responding to his warning about his real day. i should have opened my eyes, i should have looked through him and i should have told him:( listen, today is not your real day, it is not anybody's real day, it is one of my illustrative invented days, it is all my illusion,and you are part of it).
And I remember wishing for coming back to the reality to the earth.
I remember the day getting to its end and I was still in pain.

At last i remember recognizing my massive pain, it was belonged to the earth; to the reality, to the” dirt”;the place where any potential suicide turns in to to an action in there.
that day was nothing but a real day.




saloume

at this time of my life

I celebrate this year of my life with grace and joy.
I feel like a real woman; so cheerful; so content.
I believe I’ve seen a lot on my own; ready to take the new steps towards my life.
Feeling so detached of any disturbance, and willing to get more distance of dependence.
Adventures are there for me and I will take strong steps, at the right moments to move on, I’ll keep walking towards my chosen path. Destiny cannot take any chance to get to me without my self-desire.
The wisdom is calling me softly to go up the stairs; yes I’ll rush to look through the scene; beyond the edges.
This time I’m certain that nothing in the world can be a blocker, even for an instant, no matter what it is, no matter what it tastes, no matter how it hearts, no matter what it does. Not even my heart, not even my logical alarm vain. Not even the judgmental eyes.
Not even the shame.
I’ll keep walking towards my own path by all means:
I’ll be doing as i wish,i will be looking through the unseen scenes.I will be laughing with whom I truely love. i'll be cherrishing my moments . And I will be moving on at my time.
Being conscious of the infinite speed of my time, I’ll be alert not to miss a second of it.

At this time of my life, I feel unconfined of the burden, I feel so close to the massive wisdom; so intense.
So grateful for my being self.
By identifying this certain fact that I am neither completed yet nor perfect, I believe by my heart that, this is the beauty of my life, as a human being; matchless, looking for my missing pieces.
At the time I have those pieces in my hand, I’ll be united with eternity. And that will be the ending part of my life as me being my own kind.

saloume