Layers have vanished.
Truth is going to be borned as a massive surface. Visionary comes along.
Sees through it, sees the innocence. Touches the truth with his delicate hands. Embraces it with his trembling soul. Kisses it with his fragile, pale lips, poisons the truth.
Innocence Buried in the dark night. There was a lip shape mark left on her forehead.
The truth tastes bitter.
saloume nakhsaz
Saturday, February 18, 2006
it is cold in here
It’s September.
It’s been a month, I’m here and I wish I could have gone back and see you guys, I wonder, why did I come here, here is too far away from home. And people are so close minded and dull.
I can’t get out of my apartment to walk around at night. It’s so scary and dark; there is no light out there, maybe 2, or 3 in the main street.
Here is a small village, filled with lots of farmers and cows.
University is packed with these girls covered up; head to toe in black, and men are all have beard, they don’t smell nice, because of their strict religion. They believe, if they smell nice, it is against God wish.
I’ve been asked to get covered up, like these strange girls. So I had to buy one of these big black shall, which is called “chador”, and now I’m look like a holy saint. I’m not attractive with this long, black thing covering all over me, and I don’t really care about it. I am just concentrating on my books and I’ve decided to get an A in all of the courses, I have taken.
I had to get Islamic science course, it was mandatory, and I couldn’t skip it. The teacher hates me, he wants to find an excuse to make me embarrassed in front of the students, he knows I am not a believer, he looks at my eyes and he gets annoyed, he told me several times that I don’t belong here. He is right, but I won’t back up. I stand still.
The boys are either bunch of geeks or lunatics, who just smoke joints, they are always high, I can tell, by their eyes. Here they don’t have anything to do just studying, or getting high. There is no place to go and have fun and there is no pretty girl to fall for, even if they are pretty, they are hidden, behind the chadors.
It was a wrong choice, I made; coming here. but I can’t take back what I said, if I do so, my parents won’t trust me anymore. They had warned me before; they knew everything about this place.
They reassured me, can’t handle this weird environment.
But I was so stubborn to listen, I wanted to try this big challenge, I wanted to be adventurer, and get to know different places and different people, with totally strange behaviors. Now I’m lost among these aliens.
Now I can’t say anything, I don’t like, them to think, I’m a coward, and I can’t keep my word.
I’ve missed you my sweet friend.
Say my hello to everyone.
It’s October. And it’s getting so cold in here. Here is a wasteland, its winter is too cold, and I’ve been told the summer is getting too hot. So unbelievable.
Everything is ridiculous down here. And I’m so worn-out, I’m studying mornings and nights, my marks are straight A’s, actually, I’m so proud, this is, the only thing which makes me keep going.
Darling, I have to go now. I have class in about half an hour; I don’t want to miss even one minute of the class. I am going to send this letter, on the way to school.
Miss you, say hello to everyone.
It’s January and I know I’ve not written to you since October, darling I have not forgotten about you, don’t worry, I did not get in to troubles. Everything is great, and here is wonderful lately.
I shall confess that I am in love. This love has made my life so cheerful here.
We met at school, he just got transferred here, he is so magnificent, he is exactly my type, he is what I’ve always wished as my dream man; impressive attitude, charming look, and so talented, darling I am so thrilled.
I am spending most of my time with him, we traveled together, I went to his city and it was fun and so romantic, that is why I didn’t come home for my reading week.
He is so wonderful and I am so content.
We both have the same courses. So we see each other everyday.
The only bad news; is my marks are awful lately, and I’ve failed one of my courses, I can’t concentrate, either on my books nor my teachers.
I’m just thinking about him, and my love towards him; mornings and nights. He’s love has occupied my life. But despite of my bad marks and my parents rage about it, I’m happy, and content, so nothing else really matters. I’m happy.
We will skip our classes, next week, we are going traveling again, and we will come back in 2 weeks.
By the way, don’t mention about him to my family. I haven’t told my parents about him yet, you know how they are. Now they will start blaming him for my bad marks.
One more thing, I shall say I am getting to love this city, it’s so peaceful and romantic, even I love my black chador, and it makes me more mysterious.
Everything here smells like fresh flowers; you should come and visit one day.
The stars are so close to me, when I stare at them at nights, I feel, I can pick them, if I stay up on my toes. These shining stars are one of the gifted beauties in the desert.
Oh darling I almost forgot to tell you, that I can’t spend the March break with you, I have to go to his town, and he wants me to meet his parents.
I’m sure you understand it.
I wish you the best on your birthday.
I’ll make it up to you. I promise.
Your’s saloomeh
.
i
It’s been a month, I’m here and I wish I could have gone back and see you guys, I wonder, why did I come here, here is too far away from home. And people are so close minded and dull.
I can’t get out of my apartment to walk around at night. It’s so scary and dark; there is no light out there, maybe 2, or 3 in the main street.
Here is a small village, filled with lots of farmers and cows.
University is packed with these girls covered up; head to toe in black, and men are all have beard, they don’t smell nice, because of their strict religion. They believe, if they smell nice, it is against God wish.
I’ve been asked to get covered up, like these strange girls. So I had to buy one of these big black shall, which is called “chador”, and now I’m look like a holy saint. I’m not attractive with this long, black thing covering all over me, and I don’t really care about it. I am just concentrating on my books and I’ve decided to get an A in all of the courses, I have taken.
I had to get Islamic science course, it was mandatory, and I couldn’t skip it. The teacher hates me, he wants to find an excuse to make me embarrassed in front of the students, he knows I am not a believer, he looks at my eyes and he gets annoyed, he told me several times that I don’t belong here. He is right, but I won’t back up. I stand still.
The boys are either bunch of geeks or lunatics, who just smoke joints, they are always high, I can tell, by their eyes. Here they don’t have anything to do just studying, or getting high. There is no place to go and have fun and there is no pretty girl to fall for, even if they are pretty, they are hidden, behind the chadors.
It was a wrong choice, I made; coming here. but I can’t take back what I said, if I do so, my parents won’t trust me anymore. They had warned me before; they knew everything about this place.
They reassured me, can’t handle this weird environment.
But I was so stubborn to listen, I wanted to try this big challenge, I wanted to be adventurer, and get to know different places and different people, with totally strange behaviors. Now I’m lost among these aliens.
Now I can’t say anything, I don’t like, them to think, I’m a coward, and I can’t keep my word.
I’ve missed you my sweet friend.
Say my hello to everyone.
It’s October. And it’s getting so cold in here. Here is a wasteland, its winter is too cold, and I’ve been told the summer is getting too hot. So unbelievable.
Everything is ridiculous down here. And I’m so worn-out, I’m studying mornings and nights, my marks are straight A’s, actually, I’m so proud, this is, the only thing which makes me keep going.
Darling, I have to go now. I have class in about half an hour; I don’t want to miss even one minute of the class. I am going to send this letter, on the way to school.
Miss you, say hello to everyone.
It’s January and I know I’ve not written to you since October, darling I have not forgotten about you, don’t worry, I did not get in to troubles. Everything is great, and here is wonderful lately.
I shall confess that I am in love. This love has made my life so cheerful here.
We met at school, he just got transferred here, he is so magnificent, he is exactly my type, he is what I’ve always wished as my dream man; impressive attitude, charming look, and so talented, darling I am so thrilled.
I am spending most of my time with him, we traveled together, I went to his city and it was fun and so romantic, that is why I didn’t come home for my reading week.
He is so wonderful and I am so content.
We both have the same courses. So we see each other everyday.
The only bad news; is my marks are awful lately, and I’ve failed one of my courses, I can’t concentrate, either on my books nor my teachers.
I’m just thinking about him, and my love towards him; mornings and nights. He’s love has occupied my life. But despite of my bad marks and my parents rage about it, I’m happy, and content, so nothing else really matters. I’m happy.
We will skip our classes, next week, we are going traveling again, and we will come back in 2 weeks.
By the way, don’t mention about him to my family. I haven’t told my parents about him yet, you know how they are. Now they will start blaming him for my bad marks.
One more thing, I shall say I am getting to love this city, it’s so peaceful and romantic, even I love my black chador, and it makes me more mysterious.
Everything here smells like fresh flowers; you should come and visit one day.
The stars are so close to me, when I stare at them at nights, I feel, I can pick them, if I stay up on my toes. These shining stars are one of the gifted beauties in the desert.
Oh darling I almost forgot to tell you, that I can’t spend the March break with you, I have to go to his town, and he wants me to meet his parents.
I’m sure you understand it.
I wish you the best on your birthday.
I’ll make it up to you. I promise.
Your’s saloomeh
.
i
beautiful dreams
Beautiful dreams
I never imagined this house would be my Burdon.
I never imagined one day I have to find a way to get out of here with fear and hatred.
I never imagined myself looking upstairs from this corner to make sure if my son is still sleeping in peace.
I never imagined if I step upstairs, I would make both of us in big danger.
I must not move abet, I know I must stay still. Till the time comes up, till the sunrise.
I wish he doesn’t wake up, or I am in big dilemma.
I look towards my son’s bedroom in the last corner. The puny light is still on, like always, so he doesn’t get scared of dark. And he could step in to my room, whenever he needs me.
But I wish he doesn’t wake up now, and step in my room, if he goes in there, he would see him, he would smile and his smile would turn to uncertainty.
I wish I could go to my son and take him with me, right now, but it’s not possible, and there is not such a thing as magic.
Now, if I run upstairs, he will wake up and will come after me again .I must wait, I can’t open the main door and runaway, I can’t leave my son with him, what if he points at my son this time. So, I have to wait till the end of the night, till the sunrise.
I wish my child would be having beautiful dreams, about his parents and about this house.
I wish I could have moved the curtains to see the sky, so I witness the sunrise.
And I wish all of this, would have been just a bad dream. I wish I could have woken up and smiled.
I am close to the kitchen, stocked in the hallway, closest place to the main door, and right in front of the stairs, I am able to watch my son’s room from here, so he would be safe, close to this hall way is the bathroom, full of perfumes and flowers, I imagine myself going in there, lucking myself up and wearing lots of perfume, looking at myself in my favorite mirror. I believe that mirror makes everybody more beautiful and still.
I look at dining room on the left side, it’s huge and dark, I wish it would have turned around and vanished, so I could pass it and get in to the back yard, smell the flowers, in the garden and touch the clean water, coming down from the water fall, which has my face built on it, with a confident smile on my lips, looking towards the hallowed water.
I wish I could have passed the garden, go in to the small play room, which its walls, all are made with shining glasses, and full of colorful balls. This was my favorite room. I wanted the walls made with glasses, so there would be the morning light, and my son can see the entire sunshine. I am certain, if I got in there, I would feel harmless, but I shall remember, there is no such a thing like magic.
I stay still at the hallway, lit my cigarette, the sweet light makes my heart warm and I feel a little recovered, I look at my son’s room, still safe.
At the living room, in front of me, there are broken glasses of the picture frames, all over the floor, they used to be hanged on the walls. 2 or 3 are still hidden on the wall in the back corner, terrified, so nobody can harm them. my hands are covered with scratches of the broken pieces, pointed and thrown at me, I feel good, I could save my face, I guarded it with my both hands, I did it, so my son wouldn’t recognize any disturbance inside me, by looking at my face, at my eyes.
I’m certain, the morning will come soon, and everything will end.
I step towards the dinner table and move one of the chairs, let myself under the table, put the chair back in order. The chairs around me guard me from any harm. The table wouldn’t let any thing, thrown at my head, so I’m safe for now. I make sure I could still see my son’s room from here. I count to 6387, till sunrise.
It is morning, I hear some voices from outside, people have started their new days.
It is time to take steps.
I get out of my cave, stand still, make up my mind and run towards the step to get in to my son’s room. Right before I open the door, he comes out of the bedroom, horrified, and ashamed, steps towards me, He starts crying and asks me to forgive him about last night. I keep silent, my eyes show my hatred. He recognizes this look. I whisper, it is too late, he keeps crying. I ask him to stop, so I can wake my son up, I don’t want my son sees him diluted and lost.
He gives up piteously and vanishes.
I run to my son, I kiss him. He opens his eyes, smiles at me. I embrace him, kiss him again. I tell him how much I love him and ask him to get ready, that its time to leave.
He looks at my eyes with a deep trust, he smiles, and he doesn’t ask why.
saloume nakhsaz
I never imagined this house would be my Burdon.
I never imagined one day I have to find a way to get out of here with fear and hatred.
I never imagined myself looking upstairs from this corner to make sure if my son is still sleeping in peace.
I never imagined if I step upstairs, I would make both of us in big danger.
I must not move abet, I know I must stay still. Till the time comes up, till the sunrise.
I wish he doesn’t wake up, or I am in big dilemma.
I look towards my son’s bedroom in the last corner. The puny light is still on, like always, so he doesn’t get scared of dark. And he could step in to my room, whenever he needs me.
But I wish he doesn’t wake up now, and step in my room, if he goes in there, he would see him, he would smile and his smile would turn to uncertainty.
I wish I could go to my son and take him with me, right now, but it’s not possible, and there is not such a thing as magic.
Now, if I run upstairs, he will wake up and will come after me again .I must wait, I can’t open the main door and runaway, I can’t leave my son with him, what if he points at my son this time. So, I have to wait till the end of the night, till the sunrise.
I wish my child would be having beautiful dreams, about his parents and about this house.
I wish I could have moved the curtains to see the sky, so I witness the sunrise.
And I wish all of this, would have been just a bad dream. I wish I could have woken up and smiled.
I am close to the kitchen, stocked in the hallway, closest place to the main door, and right in front of the stairs, I am able to watch my son’s room from here, so he would be safe, close to this hall way is the bathroom, full of perfumes and flowers, I imagine myself going in there, lucking myself up and wearing lots of perfume, looking at myself in my favorite mirror. I believe that mirror makes everybody more beautiful and still.
I look at dining room on the left side, it’s huge and dark, I wish it would have turned around and vanished, so I could pass it and get in to the back yard, smell the flowers, in the garden and touch the clean water, coming down from the water fall, which has my face built on it, with a confident smile on my lips, looking towards the hallowed water.
I wish I could have passed the garden, go in to the small play room, which its walls, all are made with shining glasses, and full of colorful balls. This was my favorite room. I wanted the walls made with glasses, so there would be the morning light, and my son can see the entire sunshine. I am certain, if I got in there, I would feel harmless, but I shall remember, there is no such a thing like magic.
I stay still at the hallway, lit my cigarette, the sweet light makes my heart warm and I feel a little recovered, I look at my son’s room, still safe.
At the living room, in front of me, there are broken glasses of the picture frames, all over the floor, they used to be hanged on the walls. 2 or 3 are still hidden on the wall in the back corner, terrified, so nobody can harm them. my hands are covered with scratches of the broken pieces, pointed and thrown at me, I feel good, I could save my face, I guarded it with my both hands, I did it, so my son wouldn’t recognize any disturbance inside me, by looking at my face, at my eyes.
I’m certain, the morning will come soon, and everything will end.
I step towards the dinner table and move one of the chairs, let myself under the table, put the chair back in order. The chairs around me guard me from any harm. The table wouldn’t let any thing, thrown at my head, so I’m safe for now. I make sure I could still see my son’s room from here. I count to 6387, till sunrise.
It is morning, I hear some voices from outside, people have started their new days.
It is time to take steps.
I get out of my cave, stand still, make up my mind and run towards the step to get in to my son’s room. Right before I open the door, he comes out of the bedroom, horrified, and ashamed, steps towards me, He starts crying and asks me to forgive him about last night. I keep silent, my eyes show my hatred. He recognizes this look. I whisper, it is too late, he keeps crying. I ask him to stop, so I can wake my son up, I don’t want my son sees him diluted and lost.
He gives up piteously and vanishes.
I run to my son, I kiss him. He opens his eyes, smiles at me. I embrace him, kiss him again. I tell him how much I love him and ask him to get ready, that its time to leave.
He looks at my eyes with a deep trust, he smiles, and he doesn’t ask why.
saloume nakhsaz
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