Sometimes you are out of your mind. Have this ever happened to you?
It happened to me today, ya it hit me and I am still so shocked how I did that, I mean what I did today is impossible to be revealed by me or by anyone else, no one on this planet would find out about that, I wont tell anyone, and I am also certain that the people who were involved in this incident won’t say a word .
Me being so confused and incapable of picturing myself getting in to such an unexpected character ,capableof doing what I did today.
But the truth is that I did it and I did it and I did it.
So it is the time for me to reveal this bitter truth that every one in this planet can do anything, and how far we are capable of longing , is unbelievable scary.
We may do anything, and everything we do just depends on our mood and the situation we are in, and that is it; no more innocent human being exist on this planet.
If I could do it, then you can do it, she can do it and he can do it, but in different occasions.
Time will show off this bitter fact.
if you don’t believe this, just wait, you’ll see.
but be careful.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
is it fair or unfair!
Is it fair or not fair?
You’ve been having a serious relationship for a few years, you are happy but you are not in love. She loves you and you like her. She is very nice and you appreciate it, she is cute and you like that. And lately you have been thinking of going to the next step in your relationship, because you think tat it’s a time, eventhough you are not in love with her, but because she loves you and she is giving you a good company and she is always there for you and you are spending most of your time together, so why not getting engaged and then marry her to make her happier.
But meanwhile you decide to take a vacation to your homeland to see your family and old friends. You say bye to her and she cries and says that she will miss you and you tell her that you will miss her too, and it is just a month of separation and it will be passed bye so fast.
At that point you are so honest and you are telling the truth. You really want to see your family and old friends and you really need a vacation alone to relax and rest a little bit among them.
You go to your homeland and you see your family and old friends, you are happy.
You talk to your girl over the phone every day, either she calls you or you do so, your family knows her and they respect her, because the matter of time has shown that she loves you and she is a very nice girl.
While you are back there, she is missing you everyday, she tries to do something special for you, a surprise , to make you exited and reveals how much she cares about you
So she tries so hard,uses all her talent and redecorate your apartment ,she starts painting the walls.she's done a great job, so when someone looks at the walls , can feel the love, which is behind it.
She counts the days to get close to the date you are coming back.
back there you are having fun with your family and friends, you go out every night and hang out with your pals and you are happy.
Girls are attracted to you, because you are handsome and fun. you also flirt a little with them, as it is in your nature, you used to be a great player, but you have cut it down for your girl in order she doesn't get hurt,and everything is ok.
All of a sudden one of these nights, you go to a coffee shop meet your brother’s girlfriend and she comes with a friend, you go close to acknowledge them and say hi, you look at her and you fall in love, yes that simple .
After all these years being here and all over the world and after spending years with your girl whom loves you and you felt liking her, and after all these years persuading yourself that there is no such a thing like love and getting ready to go in to a bigger commitment in your relationship, just 10 days before coming back here, in the most ordinary place, you've met the most extraordinary girl of your life, and you've fallen in love.
You are deeply in love and confused how this happened .you feel joy, you are up in the sky of happiness and she is as well, she is in love with you too and she is amused with this blink of high emotion, she as well is in there to see her family, she as well lives in a foreign land, and she has just come here to relax and spend time for a month in the homeland, but she has to go in 2 days, she is happy and she is sad, you are happy and you are sad, she goes to the airport to leave , she says bye you say bye, she pounds she comes back, and she says : I’ll stay till the end of your time, and we will leave our home land at the same time, even 7 more days is better than no more days. You spend all your time together, both families are surprised and worried at the same time, first they don’t believe there is a real love, and they think it is just a desire and a simple sexual attraction, but no it is not so. They are so confused.
You are so in love that you forget about your girl in here, you don’t call her anymore, you are in no doubt that your life is with your real new love.
now it is time to go back ,you both cry , you promise each other that you will get back together soon, she tells you where ever you are she wants to be there ,and you are admiring her with your eyes and with your heart.
You are back in here , at the airport it is her waiting for you to come, she is happy and exited she has changed her hair color to make herself more attractive for you and she's blushed , she kisses you and you are just a dead body with no reaction.
She goes in a deep thought that what on earth has happened to you, she waits, she takes you home she opens the door, you get in you see the walls, you close your eyes, you rush in to your room and close the door. You cry with your heart for her tender, you feel so guilty but you also feel joy at the same time, you've already missed the one and you can not look in the girl’s eyes, she opens the door, she comes to you, she put her hands on your shoulder, you don’t move, you say softly: I’m sorry, but I need sometimes lone by myself, please leave me alone. I am in such a painful mess, she cries she expected some thing else, she is there to be kissed, she is the to make love to you, she is there to hear how much you have missed her, but you cannot even touch her face, you are loyal to your love and you cannot touch anybody just your love. You are wondering: back then I used to play and act very well now, why can’t I even pretend. You answer to yourself: because back then there was not such person whom you really feel love for. You have changed, yes just in 10 days you have changed 1000 times.
She cries , she says to you I will come back tomorrow, I am sure tomorrow you will feel alright, it is just jet lack or a cold or a massive tiresome.
She says :see you tomorrow and she leaves.
your massive happiness has caused her a massive misery. what should be done?
You’ve been having a serious relationship for a few years, you are happy but you are not in love. She loves you and you like her. She is very nice and you appreciate it, she is cute and you like that. And lately you have been thinking of going to the next step in your relationship, because you think tat it’s a time, eventhough you are not in love with her, but because she loves you and she is giving you a good company and she is always there for you and you are spending most of your time together, so why not getting engaged and then marry her to make her happier.
But meanwhile you decide to take a vacation to your homeland to see your family and old friends. You say bye to her and she cries and says that she will miss you and you tell her that you will miss her too, and it is just a month of separation and it will be passed bye so fast.
At that point you are so honest and you are telling the truth. You really want to see your family and old friends and you really need a vacation alone to relax and rest a little bit among them.
You go to your homeland and you see your family and old friends, you are happy.
You talk to your girl over the phone every day, either she calls you or you do so, your family knows her and they respect her, because the matter of time has shown that she loves you and she is a very nice girl.
While you are back there, she is missing you everyday, she tries to do something special for you, a surprise , to make you exited and reveals how much she cares about you
So she tries so hard,uses all her talent and redecorate your apartment ,she starts painting the walls.she's done a great job, so when someone looks at the walls , can feel the love, which is behind it.
She counts the days to get close to the date you are coming back.
back there you are having fun with your family and friends, you go out every night and hang out with your pals and you are happy.
Girls are attracted to you, because you are handsome and fun. you also flirt a little with them, as it is in your nature, you used to be a great player, but you have cut it down for your girl in order she doesn't get hurt,and everything is ok.
All of a sudden one of these nights, you go to a coffee shop meet your brother’s girlfriend and she comes with a friend, you go close to acknowledge them and say hi, you look at her and you fall in love, yes that simple .
After all these years being here and all over the world and after spending years with your girl whom loves you and you felt liking her, and after all these years persuading yourself that there is no such a thing like love and getting ready to go in to a bigger commitment in your relationship, just 10 days before coming back here, in the most ordinary place, you've met the most extraordinary girl of your life, and you've fallen in love.
You are deeply in love and confused how this happened .you feel joy, you are up in the sky of happiness and she is as well, she is in love with you too and she is amused with this blink of high emotion, she as well is in there to see her family, she as well lives in a foreign land, and she has just come here to relax and spend time for a month in the homeland, but she has to go in 2 days, she is happy and she is sad, you are happy and you are sad, she goes to the airport to leave , she says bye you say bye, she pounds she comes back, and she says : I’ll stay till the end of your time, and we will leave our home land at the same time, even 7 more days is better than no more days. You spend all your time together, both families are surprised and worried at the same time, first they don’t believe there is a real love, and they think it is just a desire and a simple sexual attraction, but no it is not so. They are so confused.
You are so in love that you forget about your girl in here, you don’t call her anymore, you are in no doubt that your life is with your real new love.
now it is time to go back ,you both cry , you promise each other that you will get back together soon, she tells you where ever you are she wants to be there ,and you are admiring her with your eyes and with your heart.
You are back in here , at the airport it is her waiting for you to come, she is happy and exited she has changed her hair color to make herself more attractive for you and she's blushed , she kisses you and you are just a dead body with no reaction.
She goes in a deep thought that what on earth has happened to you, she waits, she takes you home she opens the door, you get in you see the walls, you close your eyes, you rush in to your room and close the door. You cry with your heart for her tender, you feel so guilty but you also feel joy at the same time, you've already missed the one and you can not look in the girl’s eyes, she opens the door, she comes to you, she put her hands on your shoulder, you don’t move, you say softly: I’m sorry, but I need sometimes lone by myself, please leave me alone. I am in such a painful mess, she cries she expected some thing else, she is there to be kissed, she is the to make love to you, she is there to hear how much you have missed her, but you cannot even touch her face, you are loyal to your love and you cannot touch anybody just your love. You are wondering: back then I used to play and act very well now, why can’t I even pretend. You answer to yourself: because back then there was not such person whom you really feel love for. You have changed, yes just in 10 days you have changed 1000 times.
She cries , she says to you I will come back tomorrow, I am sure tomorrow you will feel alright, it is just jet lack or a cold or a massive tiresome.
She says :see you tomorrow and she leaves.
your massive happiness has caused her a massive misery. what should be done?
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
real charm
She shook his hands and said: I am leaving you. Don’t you hear that?
He was looking at the other woman beside the window.
She said: answer me
He was looking at the woman beside the window
She whispered: even now, at the moment of parting, at your last moments of being with me you cannot see me, you cannot hear me. You cannot feel me. Can you?
He still was looking at the woman beside the window.
She followed his eyes, and caught the woman beside the window.
She asked: is she the one?
He didn’t answer and still was looking at the woman beside the window.
She cried : I am leaving you, but I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I know at this point it doesn’t matter to you. You are in love with the woman beside the window.
She took her bag and started walking to the door, she decided to pass through the corner that woman was standing, she wanted to smell her, she wanted to feel her, she wanted to understand the better quality of her being, she wanted to discover her unique charm which could hypnotized her man.
She went beside her, no smell, no feeling, and no sense of life. She touched the woman’s hand, she terrified.
The woman beside the window was a lifeless sculpt in the shape of a woman.
A perfect body with no touch of life.
That was its unique charm to the man.
saloume nakhsaz
He was looking at the other woman beside the window.
She said: answer me
He was looking at the woman beside the window
She whispered: even now, at the moment of parting, at your last moments of being with me you cannot see me, you cannot hear me. You cannot feel me. Can you?
He still was looking at the woman beside the window.
She followed his eyes, and caught the woman beside the window.
She asked: is she the one?
He didn’t answer and still was looking at the woman beside the window.
She cried : I am leaving you, but I want you to know that I have always loved you, and I know at this point it doesn’t matter to you. You are in love with the woman beside the window.
She took her bag and started walking to the door, she decided to pass through the corner that woman was standing, she wanted to smell her, she wanted to feel her, she wanted to understand the better quality of her being, she wanted to discover her unique charm which could hypnotized her man.
She went beside her, no smell, no feeling, and no sense of life. She touched the woman’s hand, she terrified.
The woman beside the window was a lifeless sculpt in the shape of a woman.
A perfect body with no touch of life.
That was its unique charm to the man.
saloume nakhsaz
In the middle of thunderstorm, somebody came in and splashed the water
The water turned in to a blue river, the river’s intention was getting in to the gigantic ocean, the ocean was green all green, and the sky on the top of it was black, the purple sun was shining, the black moon was hidden beside the sun.
The thunderstorm came to the target one more time, suddenly, the ocean became a desert and the sky became a mount and the sun became a beautiful woman, the moon showed up as one man, the woman smiled at the man, the man approached the beautiful woman
And life began.
The water turned in to a blue river, the river’s intention was getting in to the gigantic ocean, the ocean was green all green, and the sky on the top of it was black, the purple sun was shining, the black moon was hidden beside the sun.
The thunderstorm came to the target one more time, suddenly, the ocean became a desert and the sky became a mount and the sun became a beautiful woman, the moon showed up as one man, the woman smiled at the man, the man approached the beautiful woman
And life began.
Monday, September 25, 2006
advantages of freedom
She is not certain .She is doubtful about the existence of real happiness.
She suspects the individuality of a deep pain.Her respond to love is considered "inappropriate" by common people in town. Her reaction to "loyalty" is not the same with the others' , therefore she has been known as someone who disbelieves commitments of all sorts. Sometimes I think if she wasn't growing up in such an open minded way, and if her guardians had not respected her self-decisions as much, and if they'd not paid so much attention to her needs, which used to vary all the time, she would have been living an easier life ; and she would have been much more determined in making permanent decisions for her own good(in the others' eyes, so she'd not have been judged by them all the time in her life.) She'd always have so many choices in front of her to pick , and what she has been doing is "picking them one by one, at the fastest pace.So, her personality became so spontaneous, and in some people's eyes as ” wild “ and in the others', somewhat "unfaithful".
Her other problem is that I cannot tell you how quickly she gets bored of everything she is working on at that moment of her life.
She knows about so many things here and there, and she is not interested in or passionate about anything,
”how is it possible to concentrate in just one thing; to get so much involve with that one thing!" says she.
for her "it is impossible””.
Sometimes freedom and having open minded and caring parents not only is not so comforting for the person, but also is confusing and causes problems in such limiting society in the long run.
Salome N.Saz
Friday, September 22, 2006
puzzle# 2
The word"LIFE" is a puzzle.
Take out the” if” from the “l if e”.
the real word is “le”, which holds a hidden 3'dl letter, in the middle of it .
So at the beginning, not even one soul is able to realize the true meaning of “ life” .
but after sometimes, an “I” will show up ,right in the middle ; with a cold smile.
Take out the” if” from the “l if e”.
the real word is “le”, which holds a hidden 3'dl letter, in the middle of it .
So at the beginning, not even one soul is able to realize the true meaning of “ life” .
but after sometimes, an “I” will show up ,right in the middle ; with a cold smile.
midnight dreams
I have lost my optimistic vision in a terrible incident, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my fate in a painful battle, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my soul’s innocence in a scornful catastrophe, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my dreams in a tormenting homicide and I am the one who takes the blame for it.
I have lost the most beautiful picture ever in my heart, at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight, and I am the one to blame.
I am starting to get a new shape of life; I am restructuring my new brain cells, new vision and new heart, with no dreams.
Life is what it is, and what it is, and what it is, life is an influential compulsion which throws away all of those naive dreams by the time they are getting so close to come through, right at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight.
I have lost my fate in a painful battle, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my soul’s innocence in a scornful catastrophe, and I take the blame for it.
I have lost my dreams in a tormenting homicide and I am the one who takes the blame for it.
I have lost the most beautiful picture ever in my heart, at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight, and I am the one to blame.
I am starting to get a new shape of life; I am restructuring my new brain cells, new vision and new heart, with no dreams.
Life is what it is, and what it is, and what it is, life is an influential compulsion which throws away all of those naive dreams by the time they are getting so close to come through, right at a bizarre, terrifying moment of one midnight.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
puzzle# 1
When you hear a whisper of love, take a moment, then reverse it, you will get” evol”, which is a misspelling of evil, but it is pronounced the same.
An I(stands for i) is switched with an o(stands for owe), which reveals the true meaning of the of that whisper:
(I owe you an explanation: don’t trust me, I am an evil)
An I(stands for i) is switched with an o(stands for owe), which reveals the true meaning of the of that whisper:
(I owe you an explanation: don’t trust me, I am an evil)
Friday, September 08, 2006
future
What are you doing with your life?
-Following my desires
Do you see any brightness in your future?
-my future right now, right here, is bright.
Why are you smiling all the time?
-Because I follow my desire.so i am not anybody's or anything's follower.(smile).
What do you mean by saying: following desire?
-Willing to learn more, willing to make friends with appealing people,, willing to eat delicious, willing to see all the unseen. Willing to help a fellow, willing to fall in love. willing to make sacrifice for the one you love.....
Willing to have freedom . the bottom line : which ever action that gives me a fresh sense of life, or drop a shine in my eys.
I see my life, my momentary future so bright, because whatever it is, is based on my will and desire, so it is bright to me.and that counts.
-Following my desires
Do you see any brightness in your future?
-my future right now, right here, is bright.
Why are you smiling all the time?
-Because I follow my desire.so i am not anybody's or anything's follower.(smile).
What do you mean by saying: following desire?
-Willing to learn more, willing to make friends with appealing people,, willing to eat delicious, willing to see all the unseen. Willing to help a fellow, willing to fall in love. willing to make sacrifice for the one you love.....
Willing to have freedom . the bottom line : which ever action that gives me a fresh sense of life, or drop a shine in my eys.
I see my life, my momentary future so bright, because whatever it is, is based on my will and desire, so it is bright to me.and that counts.
Friday, September 01, 2006
valid excuse
(I am so sorry, I am busy, busy busy lately, so I am afraid that have no time to spend with you. Maybe later, next week, next month, next year.)
Is this the truth?
Or a twisted way to wipe some fellows off the screen of my life?
Am I scared of making enemies by being myself and sharing my feelings? Is that me who am hiding my feelings behind the bush, although I condemn a weedy heart? Didn’t I believe in honestly, and the freedom of thought? Don’t I hate fooling people around? Am I afraid of loosing the ones, although I don’t want them in my life!!!!
If the answer is no:
Then stand still, head up, look straight towards eyes, and say it right:
(My time is running out in a dynamic pace; and i'm not willing to split it between you and the true valued ones, therefor good bye is to you).
Is this the truth?
Or a twisted way to wipe some fellows off the screen of my life?
Am I scared of making enemies by being myself and sharing my feelings? Is that me who am hiding my feelings behind the bush, although I condemn a weedy heart? Didn’t I believe in honestly, and the freedom of thought? Don’t I hate fooling people around? Am I afraid of loosing the ones, although I don’t want them in my life!!!!
If the answer is no:
Then stand still, head up, look straight towards eyes, and say it right:
(My time is running out in a dynamic pace; and i'm not willing to split it between you and the true valued ones, therefor good bye is to you).
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
are you ready to order? would you like to have some misery or a slice of happiness for tonight? what about grilled laughter for your appetizer?
If there is a river via the astonishment of the ocean, if there is a dark sky via the brightness of the star, if there is a cry via the peace in mind, if there is a broken heart via the comfort of love, if there is a restrict prophet via the guidance of life. If there is a disease via the joy of health. If there is distance via the happiness of closeness.
If, There is a half moon via the pleasure of the shining surrounding sun,
If there is a devil spirit via the warmth of a heart. If there is a poor via the poverty of affluent. If there is an ugly appearance via the attraction of a beautiful face.
I partially consent the existence of both misery and the fortune, in order to get the human’s enticement and appreciation.
What makes me wonder and suspicious, is the role of diligence and split ion of these two opposites among creatures.
1-I wonder if there is any explicit assessment or supervision, in order to warrant a human, lives a miserable or a fortunate state? Whose life is going to be chosen as a melancholy via the brightness of someone else’s happiness?
2-And if there is a specific arrangement for this evaluation, what is this classification based on?
3-Or is this sorting running just by an incident of a coincidence?
If, There is a half moon via the pleasure of the shining surrounding sun,
If there is a devil spirit via the warmth of a heart. If there is a poor via the poverty of affluent. If there is an ugly appearance via the attraction of a beautiful face.
I partially consent the existence of both misery and the fortune, in order to get the human’s enticement and appreciation.
What makes me wonder and suspicious, is the role of diligence and split ion of these two opposites among creatures.
1-I wonder if there is any explicit assessment or supervision, in order to warrant a human, lives a miserable or a fortunate state? Whose life is going to be chosen as a melancholy via the brightness of someone else’s happiness?
2-And if there is a specific arrangement for this evaluation, what is this classification based on?
3-Or is this sorting running just by an incident of a coincidence?
you wish
He: you know ,you and me have a lot in common. Eians and ...ians have the same attitudes, gestures and backgrounds.
She: not a bit.
He: ... is so awful to live in lately. Like all the other AR countries.
She: not at all, , although I have nothing against ARs . But Just to let you know.
He: I know , we Eians are not ARs either.
I am sorry for M...ms though. Women with their long veils. All covered up, jailed in their caves. It’s good we are not M...m .
She: this is not true I have born M...m. So I am M...m. Although I am not religious, but I respect all ideas and religions as long as selfishness doesn’t interfere with that.
They are all the same to me. I have no offensive mind about them.
He: are you enjoying your freedom here? walking around Without any cover? If you were in ...like this, you would have been arrested, and they would have been called you a whore.
She: you are wrong ... is not like this. I am a free human everywhere I am. (She knows by heart she is not telling the truth, the freedom of minds, the freedom of thought, the freedom of talk. These words are forbidden for many many years in ...)
He: why you are getting upset? this is a certain fact. If ...was pleasant enough, you wouldn’t be here today. If not so, then why did you leave your own land?
Her face carries the expression of grief, her heart is broken. She feels so drained, and unable to criticize satisfyingly his hurtful behavior, unable to protect her native land. Unable to use proper supportive words for her own root.
She looks with disgust through his eyes, and says:
Because one day, a massive group of polluted minded, hopping mad animals, women harassers, natural born killers , blinded souls took away my mother land, my spirit from me.
what happened there had nothing to do with any religion, but the defection of the human’s indulgence.
I am staying here till I regain my strength, and take back what has been taken from me.
He smiled and said : you wish.
She: not a bit.
He: ... is so awful to live in lately. Like all the other AR countries.
She: not at all, , although I have nothing against ARs . But Just to let you know.
He: I know , we Eians are not ARs either.
I am sorry for M...ms though. Women with their long veils. All covered up, jailed in their caves. It’s good we are not M...m .
She: this is not true I have born M...m. So I am M...m. Although I am not religious, but I respect all ideas and religions as long as selfishness doesn’t interfere with that.
They are all the same to me. I have no offensive mind about them.
He: are you enjoying your freedom here? walking around Without any cover? If you were in ...like this, you would have been arrested, and they would have been called you a whore.
She: you are wrong ... is not like this. I am a free human everywhere I am. (She knows by heart she is not telling the truth, the freedom of minds, the freedom of thought, the freedom of talk. These words are forbidden for many many years in ...)
He: why you are getting upset? this is a certain fact. If ...was pleasant enough, you wouldn’t be here today. If not so, then why did you leave your own land?
Her face carries the expression of grief, her heart is broken. She feels so drained, and unable to criticize satisfyingly his hurtful behavior, unable to protect her native land. Unable to use proper supportive words for her own root.
She looks with disgust through his eyes, and says:
Because one day, a massive group of polluted minded, hopping mad animals, women harassers, natural born killers , blinded souls took away my mother land, my spirit from me.
what happened there had nothing to do with any religion, but the defection of the human’s indulgence.
I am staying here till I regain my strength, and take back what has been taken from me.
He smiled and said : you wish.
Monday, August 28, 2006
unexpected
Now again it’s the time to move on, to take my belongings and Put them in a new place. It’s been years I am doing this, and every time my possessions are getting less and less than before, I have tried so hard to be more free handed, but still there are things I have taken them with me everywhere I went.
This is the path I had chosen long time ago and I had kept my promise: not to call any place home, not to put my feet down on one piece for long, living like a flying bird, till I find it by my heart.
I had been looking at my shelter as a safe and sound place to lie down on there and rest a little and move on.
I used to think of them as a solitude cave; as a shelter to let my own people in, as a quite place to make plans for my next move.
And I had always cherished each moment I spent,anywhere I lived, with anyone I liked; knowing saying good-bye is coming ahead eventually by time.
and the "time" was always unknown.
But, This time is not like the others. I ‘m already aware of my next move, I am not living in this new place for long and I already know I shouldn’t make any passionate relationship with my new place; in my new place, I am obliging myself not to get attached to it by all strength, because I must leave in advance and it is going to be too early.
This time, I must leave to make home somewhere faraway. Yes this time, this new place is going to be my last own self-safe haven.
I feel weird. I feel scared and I feel happy at the same time.
I feel distant with my own self. I know I am acting as I promised. I am going to make that commitment, comes true; for myself and for his love.
I am going to welcome the two-selves. I am going to hold his hand and hand him my company, consistency and my love forever.
I am certain my time has come , and I must prove my devotion and fidelity.
But something has taken place, which I never had expected:
I am packing my belongings with tears, knowing this is the last time I am taking them with me. This is the last place they are my acquaintances; so certain that I’ll take the last glance at them before long.
These days, every corner I am stepping in to, whom ever I am with, reminds me of all the ups and downs I have had in here in this land, my shoulders shrug. I feel I could have called this soil home. I feel I could have had all my beautiful minded friends forever, and I feel my resistance to leave, I feel the warmth here, and I feel that if it wasn’t for him, if it wasn’t for my belief in love, I would have stayed here forever, embraced all the ones I care for harder, whispered softly:
Here, is my homeland, and you are part of it.
This is the path I had chosen long time ago and I had kept my promise: not to call any place home, not to put my feet down on one piece for long, living like a flying bird, till I find it by my heart.
I had been looking at my shelter as a safe and sound place to lie down on there and rest a little and move on.
I used to think of them as a solitude cave; as a shelter to let my own people in, as a quite place to make plans for my next move.
And I had always cherished each moment I spent,anywhere I lived, with anyone I liked; knowing saying good-bye is coming ahead eventually by time.
and the "time" was always unknown.
But, This time is not like the others. I ‘m already aware of my next move, I am not living in this new place for long and I already know I shouldn’t make any passionate relationship with my new place; in my new place, I am obliging myself not to get attached to it by all strength, because I must leave in advance and it is going to be too early.
This time, I must leave to make home somewhere faraway. Yes this time, this new place is going to be my last own self-safe haven.
I feel weird. I feel scared and I feel happy at the same time.
I feel distant with my own self. I know I am acting as I promised. I am going to make that commitment, comes true; for myself and for his love.
I am going to welcome the two-selves. I am going to hold his hand and hand him my company, consistency and my love forever.
I am certain my time has come , and I must prove my devotion and fidelity.
But something has taken place, which I never had expected:
I am packing my belongings with tears, knowing this is the last time I am taking them with me. This is the last place they are my acquaintances; so certain that I’ll take the last glance at them before long.
These days, every corner I am stepping in to, whom ever I am with, reminds me of all the ups and downs I have had in here in this land, my shoulders shrug. I feel I could have called this soil home. I feel I could have had all my beautiful minded friends forever, and I feel my resistance to leave, I feel the warmth here, and I feel that if it wasn’t for him, if it wasn’t for my belief in love, I would have stayed here forever, embraced all the ones I care for harder, whispered softly:
Here, is my homeland, and you are part of it.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
to be or not to be
One night, a guy covered in grey came close , and whispered the truth of love. At that night her life began. her heart trembled,and she became a woman.
she prmised him that if one day he leaves:
If he comes back to her, she shall exist, and if not , her exsitence is uncertain.
If this life is this without him, no more breath is her request.
If her laughter is without his company, her in tears is her wish.
If her lips couldn’t get the sweet taste of his skin, and if her hands cannot touch his warm shoulders, ending her part in this scene is her demand.
at last:
She betrayed him, she betrayed him, and she betrayed him. She told him she has no more feelings for him, she told him her being with him is putting her down, she told him, he is suspicious of being dominated. she made him guilty by no witness, by no excuse. She made him broken heart by no fears. She made him empty hearted by taking all the feelings away from his soul.
She is guilty by all means.
she prmised him that if one day he leaves:
If he comes back to her, she shall exist, and if not , her exsitence is uncertain.
If this life is this without him, no more breath is her request.
If her laughter is without his company, her in tears is her wish.
If her lips couldn’t get the sweet taste of his skin, and if her hands cannot touch his warm shoulders, ending her part in this scene is her demand.
at last:
She betrayed him, she betrayed him, and she betrayed him. She told him she has no more feelings for him, she told him her being with him is putting her down, she told him, he is suspicious of being dominated. she made him guilty by no witness, by no excuse. She made him broken heart by no fears. She made him empty hearted by taking all the feelings away from his soul.
She is guilty by all means.
i am belonged
what have I done, dim deeds, I have no justification for that.
Before, I was so fearless about every thing, about every feature in this life. Especially about any human’s act. Now it is time I believe in curse. In people’s frightful hate, in resentment. They destroy our happiness, and our love darling, darling darling I am in tears
Darling it’s been so many years, I am trying to show you the real depth of my love for you, and you are still uncertain
since I promised you the beauty of harmony and the loyalty of innocence, I am so sober from any dreadful guilt. Blinded and occupied with last experiment of my making love with you and all the feelings and senses and thoughts. I have been worshiping you since I've become a real woman, since I've recognized the beauty of women's kind, since I've discovered my trembling heart.
I am in the crowd and my eyes are looking for you for your steps forward, although you are not among this crowd, although you are so far way, although I suffer the pain of reserve.
Darlings don’t turn your back to me. Whatever I said was so unworthy for you to rely on ?
Shame on me, shame on me,why I am acting so reckless, so dishonorable, I am in love and I showed you my cold inattention.
Darling what I said was as priceless as bubbling in the water,
I am certain of my diminishness, if you leave me forever
I swear to god whom I believe because of your existence, that you are all my reason to take the whole breath.
witouht you, my Life will get the color of my eyes, my thought, and my whole being.; massive black.
I did an unforgivable sin and saying:I’m sorry is not enough,
but I am sorry.
Before, I was so fearless about every thing, about every feature in this life. Especially about any human’s act. Now it is time I believe in curse. In people’s frightful hate, in resentment. They destroy our happiness, and our love darling, darling darling I am in tears
Darling it’s been so many years, I am trying to show you the real depth of my love for you, and you are still uncertain
since I promised you the beauty of harmony and the loyalty of innocence, I am so sober from any dreadful guilt. Blinded and occupied with last experiment of my making love with you and all the feelings and senses and thoughts. I have been worshiping you since I've become a real woman, since I've recognized the beauty of women's kind, since I've discovered my trembling heart.
I am in the crowd and my eyes are looking for you for your steps forward, although you are not among this crowd, although you are so far way, although I suffer the pain of reserve.
Darlings don’t turn your back to me. Whatever I said was so unworthy for you to rely on ?
Shame on me, shame on me,why I am acting so reckless, so dishonorable, I am in love and I showed you my cold inattention.
Darling what I said was as priceless as bubbling in the water,
I am certain of my diminishness, if you leave me forever
I swear to god whom I believe because of your existence, that you are all my reason to take the whole breath.
witouht you, my Life will get the color of my eyes, my thought, and my whole being.; massive black.
I did an unforgivable sin and saying:I’m sorry is not enough,
but I am sorry.
Friday, August 18, 2006
just one little advice and no more, i promise
Shake your soul, shake your mind, shake your body and move.
Take your backpack; hit the road, to somewhere, anywhere, which was unnoticed to you. You feel great afterwards. There is nothing better than traveling all over the world. you can do for yourself as a lesson for your life, as a pleasure for your soul, and as a memory in your mind.
Keep up with it; eventually, you’ll see the difference.
The more you see the unseen, the more detached you get from the acquisitive life, and more distant you feel to lavishness, it is a reason behind this, and the reason is:
You can’t take all your belongings with you everywhere you go and after a while you’ll be an expert and you’ll take as less and as sufficient stuff you could take. You learn how to separate your life from gibberish and any tittle-tattle and all the hopeless and ineffective relationships. Nothing irrelevant can satisfy you any more, because you have changed a lot by time, because you have observed the real meaning of being alive. And your joy is much advanced. So no matter what you do, no matter what individuality you have, move on with your life and take these steps, as long as you are not living your life in a forbidden place, you are able to do so, in the forbidden land, nobody is allowed to see the unseen.
Every day in my life, every morning I wake up, I am pleased and satisfied with my decision of abandoning my homeland by my heart. So I could live my life by witnessing my dreams are coming through every day, day by day.
Life is too short to be insensitive or impassive even for 1 breath, take the steps; you will see the diversity of your life....
Take your backpack; hit the road, to somewhere, anywhere, which was unnoticed to you. You feel great afterwards. There is nothing better than traveling all over the world. you can do for yourself as a lesson for your life, as a pleasure for your soul, and as a memory in your mind.
Keep up with it; eventually, you’ll see the difference.
The more you see the unseen, the more detached you get from the acquisitive life, and more distant you feel to lavishness, it is a reason behind this, and the reason is:
You can’t take all your belongings with you everywhere you go and after a while you’ll be an expert and you’ll take as less and as sufficient stuff you could take. You learn how to separate your life from gibberish and any tittle-tattle and all the hopeless and ineffective relationships. Nothing irrelevant can satisfy you any more, because you have changed a lot by time, because you have observed the real meaning of being alive. And your joy is much advanced. So no matter what you do, no matter what individuality you have, move on with your life and take these steps, as long as you are not living your life in a forbidden place, you are able to do so, in the forbidden land, nobody is allowed to see the unseen.
Every day in my life, every morning I wake up, I am pleased and satisfied with my decision of abandoning my homeland by my heart. So I could live my life by witnessing my dreams are coming through every day, day by day.
Life is too short to be insensitive or impassive even for 1 breath, take the steps; you will see the diversity of your life....
Monday, August 14, 2006
will power
Since the beginning of the life, the story has been drummed into every human kind: willpower and the truth can do anything.
She thought she is something special, she thought she could fly up to the sky; she thought she was gifted with the will power at birth. She thought she is a virile.
Here, in the middle of the crowed, alienated.
No one here would give off a small glint that would help her find her way out of the dark. .
She swears she told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
But, her spectacular will, however much she trusts it, however persistent it may have been up until now, is not able to deal with her shuddering shoulders or her short breath.
At the end:
Are you alive? (They ask)
Certainly I am. (She cries)
Objection (her body shouts)
Her body contradicts her; the tremor in her chin reveals her fatality. Her body knows before she does that she will be fallen headlong, because of her will, because of her truth.
i guess it is the end of the life.
She thought she is something special, she thought she could fly up to the sky; she thought she was gifted with the will power at birth. She thought she is a virile.
Here, in the middle of the crowed, alienated.
No one here would give off a small glint that would help her find her way out of the dark. .
She swears she told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
But, her spectacular will, however much she trusts it, however persistent it may have been up until now, is not able to deal with her shuddering shoulders or her short breath.
At the end:
Are you alive? (They ask)
Certainly I am. (She cries)
Objection (her body shouts)
Her body contradicts her; the tremor in her chin reveals her fatality. Her body knows before she does that she will be fallen headlong, because of her will, because of her truth.
i guess it is the end of the life.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
a mistake!
if you could cool down in "hell", then deny "heaven".
by any chance,isn't this what we do every day in our lives?
what am i talking about. ofcourse not!
i'm sorry, my mistake.
by any chance,isn't this what we do every day in our lives?
what am i talking about. ofcourse not!
i'm sorry, my mistake.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
creative calculus
It’s time for you to start your accurate sum; lets see what you’ll get. (She says)
I am exited to start, the numbers on the paper are casting off, I see turmoil, and anxiety in their eyes, their perfect personification of innocence shows they are scared of misjudge.
Don’t worry; I am not here for any malice. You wretched numbers. It’s time to put you where you are belonged. (I say)
How amazing it is, giving life to these beautiful numbers, each of them has unique specialty, they are so delicate and raw (I say)
I add those who want to be together, who want to be united, who are in love.
I minus those who don’t have any desire to be related. Who need to be separated; who look for the new beginning, the new life.
I multiple the ones who are eager to move up, fly together, reach to the eternity, to the sun.
I divide those who are eager to help, who want to share everything with their own kinds, who are so generous, and so kind.
And I let the rest be as they are. Because, They are afraid of any transform in their lives, they are happy as they are; they are not willing to struggle.
Look at them, they have much-vaunted supreme dignity of the human being, so much more than wretched numbers of a piece of damp paper. I am a connoisseur of the truth. They are placed where they are belonged, without being contradicted by mistrust. This riddle is done with no blithe. (I say)
Is this your result? (She asks)
Yes, (I answer)
I sniff out the transgression of your mind. Move on, or I’ll declare your calculation is deceitful and false.you, Clear this mess up, Or I'll recognize you as one of those skeptical experts. (She retorts angrily)
Have I suddenly become an obscene and rude? Have I fallen into disuse? Yes she is right there is no chance to go beyond this academic hypothesis. (I am fearful)
Now it’s time to dismiss the dignity in human kind blithely. It’s time to malice. These numbers should be drowned ignominiously.( I am fearful)
After many dozens of meters of squiggled-on, scribbled on paper. My job is done. (I feel safe)
This idea was as sudden as lightning flash illuminating the night, which made me rise the numbers. Now I deny it outright. (you know why ).
saloume nakhsaz
I am exited to start, the numbers on the paper are casting off, I see turmoil, and anxiety in their eyes, their perfect personification of innocence shows they are scared of misjudge.
Don’t worry; I am not here for any malice. You wretched numbers. It’s time to put you where you are belonged. (I say)
How amazing it is, giving life to these beautiful numbers, each of them has unique specialty, they are so delicate and raw (I say)
I add those who want to be together, who want to be united, who are in love.
I minus those who don’t have any desire to be related. Who need to be separated; who look for the new beginning, the new life.
I multiple the ones who are eager to move up, fly together, reach to the eternity, to the sun.
I divide those who are eager to help, who want to share everything with their own kinds, who are so generous, and so kind.
And I let the rest be as they are. Because, They are afraid of any transform in their lives, they are happy as they are; they are not willing to struggle.
Look at them, they have much-vaunted supreme dignity of the human being, so much more than wretched numbers of a piece of damp paper. I am a connoisseur of the truth. They are placed where they are belonged, without being contradicted by mistrust. This riddle is done with no blithe. (I say)
Is this your result? (She asks)
Yes, (I answer)
I sniff out the transgression of your mind. Move on, or I’ll declare your calculation is deceitful and false.you, Clear this mess up, Or I'll recognize you as one of those skeptical experts. (She retorts angrily)
Have I suddenly become an obscene and rude? Have I fallen into disuse? Yes she is right there is no chance to go beyond this academic hypothesis. (I am fearful)
Now it’s time to dismiss the dignity in human kind blithely. It’s time to malice. These numbers should be drowned ignominiously.( I am fearful)
After many dozens of meters of squiggled-on, scribbled on paper. My job is done. (I feel safe)
This idea was as sudden as lightning flash illuminating the night, which made me rise the numbers. Now I deny it outright. (you know why ).
saloume nakhsaz
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